12 Things To Consider Before You Have Sex
Not to take away from the magic of that first kiss, but let’s talk about what’s really going on in the beginning of a new relationship. Before deep love has time to take root, we experience strong infatuation — and it’s taking place at the neuro-chemical level. Two central chemicals are at play: dopamine and oxytocin. First of all, dopamine is the feel-good, foot-on-the-gas, got-to-have-it factor. It drives you to want to have sex as soon as possible with your new love interest.
When you do go for it, you also encourage the production of oxytocin. Oxytocin is the cuddle, bonding, unconditional love hormone. So, here’s what you need to consider: once you start having sex with a new love interest, dopamine is supplying the kick and drive, and oxytocin is causing you to fall in love. Having sex too soon in the relationship will most likely have you bonding to a person whom you scarcely know outside the bedroom — and who may be all wrong for you in significant ways.
And guess what else? Dopamine goes straight to the pleasure receptors in the brain, which demand more and more to get high. How many women have told me that they know he’s all wrong, but still can’t seem to break away? Or what about those couples who break up because, “it’s not working,” only to find themselves returning over and over because the sex is so good? When that happens it’s a true case of “stuckness,” as nothing beautiful is growing or moving forward. You may be having good sex but you’re not getting much else.
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