Ask A Very Smart Brotha: How Do I Gently Ask My Boyfriend If He Is Bisexual?

September 4, 2013  |  
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Tanya: Damon how long is too long to date before marriage?

DY: Not a fan of arbitrarily set time limits. But, generally speaking, it seems like most marriage minded adults start taking steps towards marriage within two years of dating.

Wendee: We’ve heard for years about the “Cougar” phenomenon in Hollywood but I wonder if it’s happening in our communities? And if so, why would a young brotha want to date an older woman?

DY: I’ve never dated anyone considerably older than me, but I know many people who have. And, (I think) they look for the same things they’d want in any woman: Someone compatible, attractive, compassionate, and fun.

Kenya: I cant seem to find anyone who will want me I’m overweight in a wheelchair

DY: “There is a lid for every pot” is one of my favorite sayings. I also believe it to be true. Obviously, your situation is going to make it more difficult for you to find a compatible mate, but difficult doesn’t mean impossible. Have you exhausted all of your options? (Have you tried online dating? Do you belong to any social clubs?) Also, is there anything you might be able to personally do to better yourself Asking because the better you feel about yourself, the better the chance of more men (and women) being attracted to you.

DeeDee: Why would a man stay in a relationship with a female he claims does nothing for him? Claims he can do better than her because she’s inadequate and unqualified to be in a relationship.

DY: He sounds like a douchebag. And, one thing I’ve learned about douchebags is that it’s a waste of time trying to figure out why they do the things they do. Just do what you can to stay away

Danielle: Would you forgive someone you dated for a year that never told you about a (grown) child they had?? what does that say about the character of the person?

DY: That sounds like an automatic dealbreaker.

Raven: I met a guy who is 50yrs old & he stated to me that he has been single for over 15 years+ and stated that he wants a relationship but claims he gets scared of what he is feeling for me and then cuts off communication for a few weeks. (1.) Is he really scared? (2.) Is he just playing games? (3.) How can this be addressed?

DY: Unless he’s been single because he’s a widower who hasn’t been able to get over his wife’s death, at 50, he’s about 29 years too old to still be saying stuff that 21 year olds say.


Destiney: How long should it take a man you are getting to know (phone conversations, texting, etc) to ask you on a formal date? I think 2 weeks is plenty long and will start to lose interest after that. Am I being unreasonable?

DY: No, you’re not. Two weeks of texting/talking is plenty time.

Billiejean: I recently started dating a man(he’s 26 I’m goin’ on 31)who is the opposite race(I’m African American. He’s white) and everything seems to be going great..although…I’m nervous. Nervous for the fact that he has more experience dating outside his race than me. And even more so I feel that if I don’t “secure” it with him that he will lose interest in me quick. So my question is: with all the pressures of the world today, how do I let him know that we should wait until marriage before engaging in sexual relations?
FYI: I’m very sensitive to scenes..public scenes of affection..etc..
Can’t find an off button (HELP PLEASE)!!!

DY: Tell him. There’s really no other option here. Tell him how you feel. If he likes you enough, he’ll accept it. If he doesn’t, he won’t.

Sandra: How do I gently ask my boyfriend if he is bisexual? I have strong suspicions that he’s cheating on me with his *homies*.

DY: There’s no gentle way to ask that question. If you have strong reason to suspect it, though, you need to ask him about it. You also have to be aware that it will likely end your relationship. If your right, it will end for obvious reasons. But, if you’re wrong, I doubt he’ll want to stay in a relationship with a woman who thinks he’s gay.

Judith: Do you think it’s right for a woman in a 2 year relationship to pay off her man’s credit card debt ?

DY: If you have it and he doesn’t, and you’re planning a future together—and he’s proven that he is taken steps to be more financially responsible in the future—I don’t think that’s a bad idea.

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