14 Ways To Fall In Love With Yourself

September 10, 2013  |  
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If you take a close look, you could probably see that a lack of self-love is pretty much the basis of any problem you can imagine. It could be the reason you feel unhappy in your career, why you aren’t invited to as many social events as you’d like, why you’re struggling to get into a relationship, or why a current one is falling apart. Loving yourself isn’t something you can conquer in one day and then forget about; it requires constant practice. Here are 14 ways to fall in love with yourself, either all over again or maybe for the first time.


Stop self-criticism

Is there a little voice in your head that berates you when you make even the smallest mistake? Stop indulging it. You don’t need to engage in a whole angel/devil on the shoulder battle in your head, but simply acknowledge that critical voice, and then send it on its way. Just because you think something for a moment, doesn’t mean it’s true. Decide to believe the voice that says, “I can” instead of the one that says, “I can’t.” Where has believing the negative voice gotten you? Nowhere. Exactly.


Think kindly of yourself

If you can, look in the mirror every day for five to ten minutes and count the ways you are good. Think about what makes you you—what qualities make people drawn to you, and make you thrive. Acknowledge those. Say them out loud. Or just look deep into your eyes and realize that’s you that you’re thinking all those nice things about. Thinking kindly of yourself will translate into undertaking positive actions throughout the day.

Reward your efforts

Just because you didn’t come out on top or “win” something in the conventional sense, doesn’t mean you’re worthless. Acknowledge all the efforts you’ve put into something that was important to you. Realize there is passion and drive inside of you, and it’s proven through the efforts you’ve made—you’ll need it again in the future.

Stop worrying

When has worrying, in and of itself, changed or solved anything? Worrying, at best, does nothing and, at worst, terrifies you into immobility. Let go of worry. It’s dead weight. Instead, think of what you can actually do to change the state of your life.

Trust yourself

All the practice and acquired knowledge in the world won’t mean anything if you don’t trust your own abilities. With everything in life, you need to sell people on your competence. Speak with confidence. If you don’t trust yourself, nobody—from romantic partners to bosses—will.

Forgive the past

You are not an accumulation of your mistakes. They play as big of a role in who you are today as you let them play. If you’ve messed up in the past that doesn’t mean you’re doomed to repeat mistakes. You can choose to start fresh any moment you choose to. Forgive your past, so it can stop controlling your present.

Forgive others

Sometimes, when we lack self-love, we direct that onto other people. We say that all of our romantic relationships fail because our father was a bad parent, or that we are socially incompetent because of one bully in the 7th grade. Forgive those people; realize that they only harmed you as a method to avoid their own internal pain. Nothing is personal. You are not your stories or your traumas.

Feel your emotions

Be comfortable in pain, and in joy for that matter! If you’re over the moon happy about something good that’s happened to you, walk around on cloud 9 with a dumb smile on your face all day. If you’re hurt by something that’s happened, sit in that sadness—ride it out. Every emotion has to run its natural course. If you try to run from it, before you know it, you won’t know who you are. Letting yourself feel your emotions is a gateway to being more aware of your own thoughts, which is the start to self-growth.


Spend time alone

And I mean completely alone. Don’t be afraid to tell people in your life, “I need some alone time today.” Go for nature walks, sit on the beach by yourself, go for a drive, go to the movies alone, or sit in a bookstore all day perusing titles. Remind yourself that you are good company. And give your quieter thoughts an arena to be louder.



Not to be thinner and not for your heart health but to prove to yourself that you care about your body. One jog or hike will not make you thinner or healthier immediately. The only immediate effect of one great sweat session is proving to yourself that your body is worth your time. And that feels great.

Treat yourself

Maybe you tell yourself you’re not a person who buys designer clothing, or you’re not a person who eats in expensive restaurants, or you’re not a person who gets massages. You don’t have to “be a person who _______” on a regular basis, in order to be a person who treats yourself to that thing every once in a while. Indulge those deep cravings for a really nice quality dress, or a gourmet meal, or a massage. All of these in moderation make you feel loved…by yourself.


Be unconditionally kind to others

Ever notice how when you tell off a jerk, or put someone in their place, or get revenge on someone who has hurt you, that you don’t feel better after? In fact, you feel worse? That’s because you end up being a little ashamed that you’re the type of person who could be so angry, or so cruel. You don’t walk away from that interaction thinking of how the other person feels: you walk away with yourself. Be kind, even in the face of cruelty. Your ego might take some hits at first, but in the long run you’ll feel amazing.

Remember, you have a heartbeat

In order to remain happy, you have to constantly zoom in and out on the lens through which you see life. When you’re too focused on, “I don’t have enough money” or “I don’t have the job I want,” zoom out, and realize you’re a living, breathing thing that can walk around on this planet and enjoy eating food, smelling the air, listening to music. Because the alternative, well, it’s kind of bleak.

Do things you’re good at

Self-growth and love is a combination of challenging yourself/putting yourself outside of your comfort zone, and showing off what you’re already great at! Don’t forget to nurture the skills you already have. If you’re really talented at something, regularly put yourself in situations where you can use that talent. This will keep your confidence high during the more challenging times.

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