3 Lies Women Believe About Relationships
If you’re anything like me and 99% of the people I know, you have an active imagination about how awesome you could be, if only… You were a lottery winner, thinner, in love, had your dream job, got divorced, became a parent, etc. We all have our stories about how there is one (or more) external factors to our happiness that we need to conquer, and then everything else will be simply amazing. As a matchmaker, I hear a lot of the following statements from singles who are looking for a loving relationship:
1. “Being in a relationship will motivate me to be more kind, forgiving, compromising, etc…”
Have you ever heard that expression, “wherever you go, there you are?” If you are unable to compromise (or only do so begrudgingly, holding on to resentment that you didn’t get things your way), guess what? Finding that “perfect person” doesn’t magically transform you. If anything, the vulnerability and intimacy that comes from a long-term, committed relationship only amplifies your emotions and insecurities. Relationships are amazing teachers for us, but what they reveal can only be addressed by us. If you are unkind, selfish or inflexible and you do manage to find someone who still chooses to commit to you, you will bring that same behavior into your relationship. The comedian Chris Rock has a joke warning women that when you meet a new man you are meeting his representative who says and does all the right things, but after awhile he goes bye-bye and the actual man appears. The same goes for all of us – you might be able to put certain behaviors in check when something is new, but eventually the real you will make an appearance, for the long run.
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