Secrets To A Happy Marriage With Children
Though you may not hear or read too much about it, there are plenty of couples out there that still have a happy and healthy marriage, even after children are in the picture. It’s plenty possible to keep romance and love alive, even if you have youngsters and teenagers to tend to, but of course, it’ll be a bit harder than it was in the past. Here are 14 secrets to a having a long-lasting and happy marriage with children in the picture.
Remember husband and wife
When your relationship becomes a marriage with children, the roles change a bit. Before you two became mom and dad, you were husband and wife. Remember these titles, even long after the two of you have children. It’s important that the two of you do not lose the bond that was created when you married. While it’s crucial to be mom and dad to your kids, it’s just as important to be husband and wife to each other.
Put yourselves first
With children in the picture, your husband will more than likely feel as if he and your marriage are taking the back seat. While your kids will be extremely important to the both of you, you need to ensure that you make your husband feel needed, just as he should make you feel the same way. After packing the children’s lunch, walk over to him and give him a huge hug.
Make sex a priority again
Once you get married, your sex life may start to decline, and things can go even further south once you have children. You’re both busy, and now things are even busier when you have to take care of little ones, but that is no excuse to not maintain a physical relationship. In order for your marriage to stay healthy and happy long after children, be sure to lock the bedroom door and have some fun.
Have date nights
Along with keeping each other high on your priority list, it’s crucial that the two of you are able to spend time apart from the kids. While you of course love spending time together as a family, don’t forget to spend time together as a couple. Go out to a fancy dinner, spend the night out on the town, or go to the movies. Anything that allows the two of you to focus on just each other. A marriage with children doesn’t mean that the two of you can date and court each other.
Say yes more than no
It’s been said, and shown, that saying yes, as opposed to no, has a huge influence on the happiness of your relationship as well as your family. Take note of how many times you say yes rather than no, and make progress as required. Saying yes in whatever way possible can make a huge positive impact on your marriage.
Don’t tell each other how to spend time with the children
Moms and dads parent differently, no matter how close or how long you two have been together. If dad wants to let the kids eat cookies for breakfast and allow them to eat pizza for dinner, let him do it. Even if you think, and know, that your parenting methods are better, you have to trust your husband’s parenting skills and know that he is doing what he thinks is best for him and the children.
Put up a united front
When it comes to a marriage and proper parenting, the two of you have to remain a united pair and work together as a team. Though the children will try to pick sides and run back and forth to get their way, remember that the two of you are a unit, not just mom and dad. Show solidarity so that your bond remains strong and your kids can’t get what they want by running to dad.
Pick your battles
As parents, both of you will have a few screw ups, and you should expect them. However, if you’re chewing each other out for packing the wrong lunch or arriving to the PTA meeting a few minutes let, you’ll both be too burned out to fight the real battles. Try to argue as little as possible and definitely pick your battles. Think about whether the argument will matter in five months, let alone five minutes.
Don’t try to solve everything
When it comes to parenting, the two of you won’t always see eye-to-eye on things, and that is plenty okay. However, this does of course men that you’ll run into problems here and there, but when these arguments come about, you’ll want to remember that not everything can be solved. Don’t let parenting differences become a marriage deal-breaker.
Remember him as your groom
Remember that day when you were walking down the aisle to him, tears flowing, but also in awe of how handsome he looked? Before the children, you saw this man as sexay, handsome, and you were passionately in love with him. Don’t let this image escape you, as he is still that same man, but now he’s also a dad as well.
Domesticate him a bit
Just because you’re the wife and the mother doesn’t mean that you have to be the only one who washes the dishes, does laundry, or vacuums the house. Don’t hesitate to show your husband, and dad, how to do household chores. Having someone to lighten the load takes a lot of stress off of the marriage and parenting.
Be loving in front of your kids
While your kids will probably laugh and say “eww,” there is no harm to being loving and flirtatious in front of your children. A kiss and hug here and there helps to keep the romance alive and burning. It also shows your children that marriage isn’t just about working and paying the bills.
Keep communication alive
Once you become parents, your priorities are likely to shift, which means that inevitably, things will change. At all points in a relationship and marriage, communication is crucial. Talk to each other about your feelings and thoughts, and don’t try to hide things. Keeping an open flow of communication also allows for healthier parenthood. It also sets a good example for your children.
Spend time away
When you’re a mom as well as a wife, it’s crucial that you are able to spend some time away from it all. Go spend a weekend with your girlfriend who lives in a different town. Or go to lunch with the neighbor who could also use a break. It’s important that you, and your husband, are still able to maintain your own lives, all while still fulfilling your roles.