If you’re one of the millions of women who are single, dating regularly, and yet you’ve had inconsistent luck in the match game, it may be time to do some introspection. I can’t begin to tell you how often I hear complaints about scarcity of quality guys. I hear it in the dating echo chamber with alarming regularity: “Men don’t want to commit!”
Okay, let me clear that last bit up. The idea that guys won’t commit or don’t want to commit is an unabashed fallacy. I’ve said this before, it’s not that the guy won’t commit – he just won’t commit to you. The right guy for you will find you. That’s a guarantee.
Now, about this so-called “quality guys” drought…. complete bunk. Seriously, most of the guys I know who are looking for serious relationships bristle at that statement. Because they know a certain general truth that women don’t seem to appreciate: that the quality guys are there but you’re either ignoring them or not giving them the opportunity to show you how great they are. The bigger issue: Why does this chasm exist? There are obviously variables aplenty that cause these missed connections. But I would submit that the idea of “deal breakers” is a major culprit.
We all have relationship deal breakers. That handful of key traits that any potential partner must possess in order to stay in the game. Quite frankly, we all should have them. However, our deal breakers should be meaningful. I like to have women break their do-or-dies into two separate groups: shallow deal breakers and substantive deal breakers. We should have both but with the understanding that the major emphasis should be placed on the substantive kind. You’d think that that would be a given. I mean, of course, the substance should take precedence over the shallow.
Unfortunately, what we know doesn’t always inform our actions. So, let this be your reminder. Keep your priorities in order. Examples of shallow deal breakers:
- Must be this tall
- Must have this color hair
- Must have this type of degree
- Must make this six-figure salary
- Must come from this kind of family
- Must look like George Clooney
…Those should ultimately be seen as great-to-haves instead of must-haves.
The real stuff, the substantive stuff, is what’s going to get you through the years. You want to find the quality guys? Use these as your new deal breaker template:
1. His closest friends should be great people – You want a real gauge on what kind of guy you’re getting involved with? Observe his friends. The type of people in your potential partner’s inner circle will say a lot about his character.
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