Let It Go, Let It Flow: Why You Should’t Hold On To Negative Feelings From Past Relationships

September 12, 2013  |  

It’s not unusual to hear a bruised woman say, “Eff love, I’m through with it” and carry a negative attitude about men for from then on. I mean, there are tons of songs based on sorry men and damaged females, TV shows that highlight good women turned cold (Snapped anyone?) and male-bashing movies that crucify men like they are the worst things next to the devil (ahem, Waiting to Exhale). Don’t get me wrong, those evil heart-breaking men do exist—I’ve ran into quite a few, witnessed them in action, and experienced some of my own, not to mention the ones in my family (sheesh!)—but letting those bad seeds dictate your outlook on men is the wrong thing to do. Here’s why:

Number one, everything that happens in life should be a learning experience. No matter how many guys have cheated on you, lied to you, hurt you, or manipulated you, learn from it and find peace. Oftentimes, the people we attract are a reflection of who we are, or just a case of bad judgment, so look within yourself and see if there’s anything that you need to change. (Hint, hint—you can’t keep dating guys who disrespect their mothers and sisters, walking around with tattoos that read “money over b**ches” and think that he’s going to treat you like a queen—yeah, probably not going to happen). Analyze each situation, pinpoint the problem(s) and realize what you might have ignored, what you could have done differently and can do differently in the future.

If cheating men have always been your problem, let’s not forget that we as women are not perfect and, believe it or not, sometimes give men reasons to step out—not justifying it, just stating facts. You could have left your man feeling lonely and unwanted, or maybe you weren’t supportive at times. Whatever the case, own up to your faults and make sure you don’t bring them into your next relationship.

But even if you were the picture-perfect girlfriend, fiancée or wife, you can still take away good out of a relationship that was bad. He lied to you? Get smarter. Now you know what questions to ask your new man, what to look out for, and to be more careful with whom you let get close to you. He beat you? Yes, he may have bruised you physically, but don’t let it destroy your spirit; grow from it and know the signs to look for in your next mate so that you stay clear of an abuser. Let all of his mistakes guide you to a wiser, stronger, better you so that you will be the best woman possible for your Mr. Right.

Which brings me to my next point. Harboring bad feelings from painful relationships can and will cause you to ruin your chances of finding a great guy—but only if you let it. If you keep holding on to every little negative thing your last partner did to you, you won’t give a good man the chance to love you like you deserve to be loved. It happens all the time. You get so wrapped up in the ideology that all men are dogs that you allow yourself to become angry, weak, and insecure, looking for everything you possibly can find to run a decent man away. Unfortunately, that’s exactly what happens, he books, and fast. Don’t be that bitter sista who remains so blinded by past rage that she won’t learn from her past and be too afraid to open up her heart and try again. I know it’s hard ladies, but just remember, staying bitter won’t benefit you in any way. Don’t be the butcher of your own happiness. Let it go honey, let it go.

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