Girl, Didn’t You Just Tell That Same Story A Different Way Last Week? How To Deal With A Lying Friend

August 28, 2013  |  

Whether she’s your go-to girl at work, childhood bestie, or the one you call when it’s time to go out and party, we all have that one friend who we know won’t hesitate to tell a fib (some of you may have more than one of these friends, but if you’re surrounded by a circle of liars, Lord help you!). Now I know everyone tells little tales from time to time, but when almost everything out of your friend’s mouth is a chopped and screwed version of the actual events, your homegirl has a serious problem.

First off, let’s examine why people lie. Some folks stretch the truth to keep from hurting your feelings or to protect themselves from chastisement or humiliation. But when you’re dealing with a habitual liar, chances are, there are some deep-rooted issues going on within, the number one being an insecurity of some sort. People who lie compulsively have the tendency to rearrange details to make themselves look good and other people look bad, or to evoke sympathy from the listener (ego-boosters). So if you’re dealing with someone who fabricates all the time, even about the simplest of things, your friend is probably dealing with some really intense pain (although this is not the case with all storytellers).

I have a cousin who’s lying abilities will have a stranger thinking she’s a multi-millionaire who is married to one of the world’s top business execs. She lies about everything from where’s she’s lived to her career background, eye color, hair length and how much she’s paying on her car note. Ridiculous, I know… but again, people like this are damaged, and believe me, she’s been through hell and back.

So how do you handle these types of friends, or even in my case, family members? Well, it all depends. If your fibbing friend tells tales to the point where you feel like you truly can’t trust them, or her lies negatively affect your life in any way, let her go; especially if it’s someone you just met and don’t have a solid history with. On the other hand, if you feel this woman (or man) is truly your friend—despite the endless untruths she tells—and she’s been through the trenches with you and stuck by you through thick and thin, then it’s time you have a serious talk with ol’ girl—that is, if you haven’t already.

If her lying ways is a real problem for you, even to the point where you want to snatch her tongue out of her mouth, try to get to the root of the issue. Bring your friend’s obsession with storytelling to her attention—most of the time, people like this are so used to lying that they don’t even realize they’re doing it half of the time. See if you can get her to open up about anything that’s had a dramatic effect on her life and assist her in healing her wounds. Reassure your friend that she is worth more than all of Earth’s treasures rolled in one—being that most impulsive liars feel, in some way, that they are lacking somewhere. If all of this fails, just laugh it off and accept that you have a fabricating friend. I can’t lie, they do tell the best stories! (*Shrugs*).

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