Kirk, Mary Jane And Why We Need To Stop Blaming The Other Woman

July 12, 2013  |  



For all you fellow followers of “Love & Hip Hop: ATL,” who know it’s fake but like the drama anyway (you always got to add that disclaimer because folks just won’t let other folks be entertained): Mary Jane was on the Big Tigger Show recently explaining why she accepted Kirk’s Golden Ticket to Willy Wonka and the Chocolate-covered Peanut Head Sex Factory.

Did the pregnancy part cross my mind, no I wasn’t thinking about that. I was thinking about us being at the cabin, having a good time; him having a good time; him putting himself in a single man’s position. And I am a single woman. You know, Mary Jane does music; I turnt up; I have a good time. Everybody knows I’m the life of the party. So that is the only thing I was focused on. I was focused on winning the strip poker game. But obviously I lost. But you know it is what, it is. And hey, he was in a single man’s position so I treated him like a single man…”

And that is when all Hell broke lose on the air. First Bambi turnt up in the form of an on-air call to renew her 15 minutes. And then came a stream of callers, mostly from women, who accused the “Hide Yo Husband” tweeter of betraying the female species by stepping out with a married man. To which Mary Jane responded, “I wasn’t trying to be in her lane. I wasn’t trying to be his wife. I didn’t ask him to marry me. I was being a single woman, doing what I do…”

I know this is not going to sit well with some folks, especially those fresh off of dealing with the philandering peen of a “significant” other, but I have to say that Mary Jane does have a point: why are we mad at her, when we should be mad – and mad only – at Kirk?

Nothing is more hurtful and confusing than being cheated on, this point I know very well. But also having been on the other side of that spectrum, I also see how unequal the blame is distributed among the guilty (and so-called guilty). In my situation, I had asked the guy I was messing with if he was in a relationship. He told me that he was in love with someone but that they were constantly on and off and at that moment, they were off. “I hope that one day we can work it out but I don’t know sometimes,” he told me. Now I could have gone all Dr. Phil and got to the root of his relationship strife but quite frankly, I figured that he would know his relationship status better than I would. And his respect for that said relationship would keep him from first, propositioning me so boldly for a date; and secondly actually gone on a date with me. The only thing I can really assume is that he is single? Either that or a liar. Plus I did my due-diligence by asking him straight up. And that he had every opportunity to think about the home-front and back out of what he knew was about to go down, before it went down.

Well some time later, after we had parted, for some odd reason Mr. On Again, Off Again, decided to cleanse his soul and confess his sins to his significant other. Actually I think he ended up confessing some other things because all of a sudden, I have this random and anonymous woman giving me side-eyes and dragging my name through the mud in our social circle. A mutual friend finally cued me in to the fact that this was Mr. On Again, Off Again’s wife. And that they had been married for almost a decade. Now that’s uncomfortable. Hoping to squash this beef and set the record straight, I reached out to his wife and apologized if our fling had hurt her and that I was not interested in pursuing anything from him. I also told her that he wasn’t exactly honest with me neither. Well she wasn’t trying to hear it. And continued on speaking ill of me and making snide comments about me whenever I was around.

At first I felt really ashamed and guilty. My intentions were not to interfere in someone’s relationship and hurt anyone; my intention was to get some peen from a man, who professed himself to be single and ready to mingle. And yet my desire for intimate companionship was now the source of someone’s relationship falling apart. But then pictures of those two starting getting around of them having midnight strolls on the beach and sharing a single ice cream sundae and I’m like, hold up? Why are you around here throwing daggers at me with one hand while the other hand is handcuffing the very source of your problem?

Oh now I see what’s really happening here: It was easier to make me out into some sort of magical Sapphire-Lilith temptress, whose intoxicating allure was too strong for the delicate naivete of her dude, who was helpless in the ways of such wicked womanly witchcraft. It was easier to believe that I had drugged him and tricked him back to my (and his) spot than to believe that he was a willing participant. The thing is, if only my poon came with that sort of power, I certainly wouldn’t be wasting it on your cheating A$$ dude? Heck with that kind of P-power, I could have Idris Elba. And if I did have that power, I most certainly would have Idris Elba with a side of Lance Gross.

But enough about my superpower wish list, my point is that if it wasn’t me, or a Mary Jane-type figure, it would have been somebody else. Because men, who are out to cheat, will cheat. That is evident by the fact that many cheating men will lie about their deeds in addition to cheating. And even among those men who don’t necessarily aim to be unfaithful, also know full-well about the consequences of their decision. So there is really no trickery or debauchery there. Just good ole fashion lack of will-power and respect for their significant other. And to deny those cheaters accountability, while placing the blame and guilt squarely on a third party, who by all intents and purposes is a virtual stranger to you and your situation, sounds kind of jaded. Not only is it pessimistic about relationships but men in general. After all, how much faith can you really have in a dude, whom you feel is so easily distracted, swayed and that incapable of good-decision making when he is not in your presence?

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