Before You Lay It Low and Spread It Wide: Reasons To Wait Before Getting Intimate

June 14, 2013  |  


From YourTango

As a relationship coach, I work with a lot of women and I frequently have clients ask me how they should handle it when a new man wants to have sex for the first time. While it may sound to some like I am about to ruin it for my brothers, the truth is—I am not. I am simply taking the not-so-controversial stand that deeper, more open and vulnerable relationships serve us ALL—men and women alike. I make no apology for that.

Being asked this question puts me in a bit of an uncomfortable position, not because I’m shy about the topic at all, but because I don’t want to be in the position of “appearing” to legislate morality for them or for anyone else. That’s not my role. However, I do understand and teach that there are certain fundamental things that you need to be aware of if you’re looking for a long-term or a lifetime partner before you decide to be intimate with someone…and these finer distinctions have the power to transform everything. There is one exception: This article is written primarily for those who know their “dating purpose” and are clear that they are looking for what is often called “the one.” Of course, some people are not interested in that for one reason or another. Some may not want that or may not be ready for that. Some may just be looking for a date or even a casual sex partner. If you fall into that category, that’s fine. Perhaps this information will be more relevant to you at a later date.

Let’s start at the beginning: The truth is, masculine energy and feminine energy approach sex in a very different way. While you could rightly say they are exact or “polar” opposites, the fact is they are perfectly complementary. In fact, the word “polar” is the root of the term “polarity” which describes the union of two seemingly opposite forces “attracting” or becoming one. That’s the sweet spot that can sometimes feel elusive even in pretty good relationships. It’s about two people who deeply desire one another and have great “chemistry.”


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