You’re There, But You’re Not REALLY There: How To Nest At His Place Without Freaking Him Out

June 24, 2013  |  
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It’s an awkward phase when you’re spending almost every night of the week at your guy’s house—he wants you there—but you don’t actually live there. You can’t help but want to make the place more comfortable for yourself and, not to mention, you need certain items there! So, how do you nest, without freaking your guy out?


Fix things: don’t change things

Know the difference between making necessary fixes, and changing things in their essence. Example: helping him by putting his pile of jumbled up shoes on the actual shoe rack is helping. Organizing his shoes by significance of designer is changing. And embarrassing.

Don’t load his fridge with female food

You can keep about a week’s worth of essentials there at a time—maybe your morning yogurt and dinner items he wouldn’t otherwise have. But that is not your fridge. Your guy doesn’t want his friends coming over to find stacks of Activia yogurts, Lean Cuisine lunches and Luna bars.

Don’t just be there when he gets home

Even if he gives you a key, always ask him if it’s okay to go over before doing so. Your guy needs the peace of mind of knowing that, unless he’s heard otherwise, he can go home to a totally empty, quiet house.


Finish your laundry in one session

He doesn’t need panties drying around his balcony, or the confusion of what to do with your delicates left in the washer. If you go over to do your laundry, stay until it’s done and take it with you.

Leave his Netflix alone

Again: he doesn’t need his buddies finding Girls, Sex and the City, and Basketball Wives queued up when they flip on the TV. That says to them that you’re the king around the castle—not him.


Your pet stays at your home

Unless your guy has an enormous love for your dog/cat/parakeet and explicitly asks you to bring him over every time—or even to borrow him sometimes—don’t assume your pet can go with you to your guy’s house whenever you do. A pet is a responsibility and as soon as it’s in your guy’s house, he feels it’s his responsibility.

Keep shower products to a minimum

Only bring what you absolutely need to get ready for a night out, or a day at work, to your guy’s shower. Your guy will end up smelling like the products you put in that shower, so give him a fighting chance at still smelling like a man.


Don’t use his razor!

One of the top terrifying things for a man to discover is his girlfriend’s leg hairs (or worse, pubic hairs!) clogging up his razor. Men typically buy more expensive razors than women, and rarely are they disposable razors. And when you shave with his razor, he is usually forced to throw it away.

No more than one friend over at a time

If you want to get together with more than one female friend, do it at your own place. The sound of three women gossiping and giggling in his living room makes a man instantly feel he’s lost domain over his home.

Don’t re-arrange (or hang up) his photos

Men aren’t as into photos as women are. So when you find stacks of his family photos tucked away on some high up, dusty shelf, leave them there. Stacking all his family photos (or photos of the two of you!) on a banister at the front door where everyone can see them is a major invasion of privacy.

Only grocery shop lightly for him

He’ll think it’s thoughtful if you pick up a few of his favorite items. He’ll think it’s bossy if you fully stock the fridge with foods you think he should be eating.


Leave his old/dusty/nerdy paraphernalia alone

If you two ever do move in together, then you can have some say about all the Game of Thrones posters in the dining room area. But until then, this is his home. You just have to get acquainted with the family Lannister.

Leave only basic clothes there

Don’t bring an entire second wardrobe over. Have a few items that you can re-use for multiple purposes, like a last minute decision to go out for a nice dinner, or day at the beach, or casual sports bar. But his apartment is not where you get to try on ten different outfits for one occasion.

Decorations are given as gifts…not directly put up

If you want to buy him wall art, fine. But don’t just hang it up and present it to him that way. It doesn’t matter where you think it should go. A gift is a gift and it’s up to the recipient how they’d like to use it.

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