If I’m at a point in my life where I want kids and a woman tells me she doesn’t want them, we’d never make it past friendship.
When dealing with relationships, women are usually pretty good for cutting off men when there’s a difference of opinion on where the relationship is going. Men tend to move in the same manner. When it comes to dealing with a woman who doesn’t want children, I can definitely see men reacting like “Winston.”
While reading My Date Told Me It Wasn’t Going Work Because I Didn’t Want Kids In A Year the author, Danielle Young, tells a story of being approached by a great guy, Winston, on her way home from work. Winston, 35, told Danielle, 28, he wanted to have kids within the next year. Winston felt as if his wanting kids had been a relationship deal breaker in the past and so he wanted Danielle to know where he stood from the beginning. Though intrigued by his honesty, Young wasn’t ready for children and made it clear to Winston. After the 2nd date, Winston called Young to tell her he appreciated the time they spent together, but since she didn’t want kids they should go no further.
I agree with Winston’s decision, but I’m 27, so I likely would’ve made a different one.
At 27, I’m young enough to feel like I have plenty of time left. I look forward to being married and having children one day, but I also acknowledge that day isn’t coming anytime soon. When I was dating around, I’d keep an open mind on something like the topic of marriage and children because it wasn’t something that I planned for in the immediate future. People hold thoughts in the present they may no longer hold in the future, so if someone wasn’t exactly ready for that type of commitment, then it wasn’t something I lost sleep over. There’s plenty of time for things to change, as Danielle pointed out regarding her situation with Winston:
“I don’t want kids next year. I honestly don’t even know if I want them at all. But I do know if I found the right partner, who would support me and our child fully, I could see myself as a mother. Winston had me believing that I could indeed be a mother, despite my hesitation.”
If I was 35 years old, however, and I’d been through the “maybe she’ll change her mind” experience and it had never worked out in my favor, I’d be going the Winston route. Contrary to popular belief, there’s a very large segment of the male population who wishes to be active fathers and loving husbands. While men don’t have biological clocks, if we want to be fathers at some point we’re watching the “life clock” with the same fervor as women.
The older we get the less time we have to waste. At 35, I wouldn’t have the time for a career woman who has a cavalier attitude about marriage and children. Or, for that matter, a woman who needed to be convinced motherhood is for them. At that point, waiting to change someone’s mind or waiting for them to come around is more of a hassle than it’s worth. Add in the issue there’s a chance I’d be convincing someone to do something they may not want to do and it just isn’t worth the effort. Last I checked, 35 was close to 40, 40 was close to 50, and 50 seems like every day could end with “the big one” (word to Fred Sanford).
At my age, I’m not completely worried about a woman’s interest in children as soon as I meet her. There’s a chance that women who never saw themselves as mothers never met someone who they felt would change their mind. A relationship with a woman like this has potential to go pretty decently until I find myself at the age where fatherhood is what I want next. If I’m 35, I’m telling any woman I meet on day one, “I want children and if you’re not trying to have any then we might as well forget everything here and go on about our business.”
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