Is Sexting Someone Other Than My Partner Cheating?

May 21, 2013  |  

From Essence

Dear Abiola,

Is sexting cheating?

I am a 54-year-old woman married to my second husband for almost 14 years. Prior to this marriage, I played the field a few years. I was with my first husband almost six years before I left him and moved on.

For the past few years, I have been having a texting relationship with my ex-husband. A lot of it has involved sex. He was unfaithful, lied, did drugs and even hit me a couple of times but, I just can’t seem to stop myself from ”sexting” him. We also have made plans to meet up. I cared very, very deeply about this man and attributed some of his ”bad boy” behavior to the fact that he was only in his 20’s when we were married. I was eight years older. We had our great times together, and I have never felt I could love any man as much as I loved him. When our relationship was going well, we had a great amount of love for one another. But when it got bad, it got very bad.

My current husband has a quick temper but he doesn’t cheat. He works hard and he is generous and goodhearted. We have problems because he is a poor communicator and is rather caustic at times. I love him but I almost left him last year. He would never, ever hit me or cheat on me.

Am I crazy? I feel guilty but I rationalize my behavior by convincing myself that unless we are really sleeping together, there is nothing wrong with my behavior. I know in reality there is but I just can’t seem to stop myself. He makes me feel better over the phone than my husband does here with me. What is wrong with me?

Help please,

Sexting Queen

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