A Happy Home Is A Happy Husband: How To Make Sure Your Spouse Doesn’t Hate Being Married

May 15, 2013  |  
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The majority of sitcoms and movies à la Judd Apatow today make marriage seem like a nightmare in which the wife is an unreasonable tyrant controlling her emotionally stunted child of a husband. In other words, nobody comes out on top. But that’s only one side of the story. You’re not doomed to make your husband miserable in marriage, all because you said “I do.” Fight the stereotypes about spousal living, and remember this:

Let him be a frat guy forever

Once a week, let your guy have a good old-fashioned drunken debauchery night with his buddies. It’s not immature—it’s youthful! Be happy he still has that stamina and boyishness to him. It’s a way he blows off steam. So long as he’s not cheating when he’s doing it, how does it harm you?

Don’t revolve your life around him

Have an active life outside your marriage! Have hobbies and interests, ambitions and projects, and an active social life. There’s nothing more terrifying to a man than feeling he is his wife’s only source of enjoyment.

Don’t put yourself down

The harsh truth is, any insults you give yourself] your guy thinks about. So if you point out your crow’s feet or tummy, he’ll focus on those. You have to work hard to stay positive about your appearance as you get older, but if you think you’re hot stuff, so will your husband.

Accept him how he is 100%

Don’t nitpick at him about his extra ten pounds, or his video game playing tendencies. Maybe these will go away one day, but maybe they won’t, and your husband will only feel at ease if he feels you’re 100% okay with the prospect of those quirks being there to stay.

Be direct, don’t nag

Don’t find flowery ways to ask your guy to do the dishes. Don’t ask, “Do you want to?” or “Would you?” Say, “I need you to do this.” That’s how guys talk to each other, and it’s what they respond to.

Pick your battles

Most aggravations you’d forget about if you’d just walk away from them for thirty minutes. Imagine how many distancing fights could be skipped if you kept that in mind! At the end of the day, a towel left on the floor, or which movie you go to see, does not affect the foundation of your relationship. Go with the flow on those things.

 

Do man stuff with him

Men love it when you partake in man stuff! This could simply mean sitting in the garage and handing him tools when he works on his car, or coming along as a “caddy” on a golf day with his buddies. He likes having you watch him be a man first-hand.

Thank him for his efforts, don’t criticize his downfalls

If your guy cooks a disgusting meal for you, thank him. If he paints the walls the wrong tint, thank him. He’ll stop enjoying doing nice things for you if they always come with criticism.

If something annoys him, quit it

Don’t stubbornly hold onto your behaviors that bother him. While you should both accept one another as you are, you should also care enough to change things that are easily fixed, especially if it would make a world of difference to your partner’s happiness.

Don’t team up with his mom

Don’t fall into the typical behavior of scolding your husband along with his mother, or of teasing his bad habits with her, or in any way teaming up with her as joint authority figures over your husband. If your husband begins to see you as his mom, say goodbye to your sex life.

But help out his family

Do be of help to his family. They probably (like all families) stress your man out by asking him to do tons of favors. Pick up the slack for him when he can’t be there for his family. He’ll feel indebted to you more than you can imagine.

 

Flirt

Tell him he is cute and tell him often. Don’t just reserve this talk for bedtime. Text him or email him flirty messages throughout the day. Grab his butt when you’re grocery shopping. Never allow that excitement to drain out of your relationship.

 

Learn his moods

Everybody has times during which it’s better to bring up issues, or worse.And everybody has times they need to be left alone, or when they need a lap to put their heads on. Learn your guy’s moods and out of respect to him, try to work with them. Don’t bring up a problem when he’s clearly overwhelmed and stressed if it can wait.

 Give him the “man” chores

Organizing the spice rack and picking up organic tomatoes from the Farmers Market doesn’t exactly scream testosterone. Try to be discerning about the domestic activities you get your guy involved in. He should be of help, but he shouldn’t feel emasculated for doing so.

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