You Have 0 New Messages: Signs It’s Time To Re-Vamp Your Online Dating Profile Now

May 23, 2013  |  
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There is one major similarity between real life, non-cyber interactions and online dating: there are no coincidences regarding who you attract, who you repel, and who you keep in. What you’re getting back has to do with what you’re putting out there. But because there are infinitely more suitors online, and things seem to move so fast, it can be a little less obvious when and why it’s time to change how we’re presenting ourselves. But here are the signs.

You make any political references

Not only is voting season long gone, but there have probably been plenty of times in real life that you had no idea a person had drastically different political views from yourself, and you actually really liked them. Give people that same chance online. If you so much as hint at political points of view in an online dating profile, people imagine that you get on a soap box to talk about them all of the time.

You have an “ideal” relationship

You mention a celebrity couple, or a couple in the public eye, whose relationship you hope to emulate. Already guys are thinking you’re not actually going to get to know them or pay attention to their personal details: all you’re going to see is how they succeed or fail at meeting some fantasy.

You’ve lost weight/cut your hair/removed a face piercing

These all drastically alter your appearance. Your friends could pick you out of a crowd and still read all the same personality traits in your face, but to the online world, your personality has done a 180 based on your look. Because yes, looks do matter online. And the truth is, your physical appearance is an expression of your emotional and mental state.

Your pictures are cropped

In each of your photos, someone—or even multiple someones, or a mountain, or an ex—has been clearly cropped out. You really care so little about online dating you couldn’t take two seconds to ask a friend to take a suitable photo of you alone?

 Your favorite book is Fifty Shades of Grey

Okay—you’re not with the times anymore for reading this, or “adventurous.” Now you’re more like a cat lady who fixated on a freaky, book and never moved past it, hoping someday she’d have a story like the main character does. List something based a little more in reality.


You still have college stories up

Any of your answers—any at all—still reference a college friend, or a college professor who influenced you, or a trip you took in college, or an experience in college. Have you really not had any life-altering, influential experiences since then?

You’re on a site that you can activate in five minutes

Any site that lets you start searching for people and chatting within five minutes—really, within twenty minutes—of throwing up basic info and photos is just a hookup site. Research some of the quality ones.

You’re hearing from men on the young end

Don’t forget to periodically update the age range of men you’re willing to talk to! Otherwise you’ll only get older and they’ll only get younger.

“My friends say…”

You describe yourself through a series of things your friends say about you. This says two things: 1) You’re too attached to your friends and are perhaps never alone and 2) You don’t know yourself well enough to just say, “I say _____ about myself.”

You’re hearing from bartenders and bouncers

Not that there is anything wrong with these professions, but if you began your profile at an age when you weren’t career-oriented yet and have since done a lot of work, found your passion, and are working towards a large goal, you deserve to attract men on that same path. If you’re working hard, brainstorming and networking, surround yourself with men who are doing the same and are also in challenging industries.

You’re getting a lot of “direct messages”

Most sites have fun gimmicks to let you and matches get to know each other like surveys and lists you fill out. But if all men are skipping that and sending you a direct message, hoping to meet in person as soon as possible, something about your profile might scream, “I’m easy!”

You say you’re “Laid back/easy going/down to earth”

This is the most generic thing you could say about yourself. Everybody thinks they are laid back/easy going/ down to earth. Have you ever heard anybody say, “I’m high maintenance, difficult to deal with and don’t have my head in reality?” No? Exactly.

“I like nights in watching movies and going out”

So…you’re human? Okay, glad we covered that. If you want to portray that you have a dynamic personality, talk about the particular bar you and your buddies love. Talk about your weird hobbies. Anybody with eyes, ears and taste buds likes staying in to watch movies or going out.

One of the things you can’t live without is your iPhone

You know the question: “What are five things you can’t live without?” And a few years ago, it was a clever statement on society to list your iPhone as one of these. Now it makes you sound superficial and/or like somebody who can’t put the phone down to enjoy a meal.

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