Ask A Very Smart Brotha: Should I Consult Him About My Breast Reduction?

April 24, 2013  |  
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Eva: Should u get back with an ex that has grown out of whatever issue that caused him to be your ex?

DY: Depends on the issue. My theory though, is that re-exing is like re-gifting. Sounds like a good idea, but you gave it away for a reason

Shahdae: I just met a guy two weeks ago. We talk on the phone, text while we’re at work, and see one another almost every other day. Is this too much for the beginning or do we need to slow down just a tad bit?!

DY: No such thing as too much. If you’re excited to talk to each other and be around each other, there’s no reason to downplay that. Trust me, it won’t be like that forever, so why not take advantage of it when the spark/excitement is still there?

Alisha: How do you draw the distinction between seeming interested in a guy but not looking desperate?

DY: I think it veers into desperation when you are always the one initiating the interaction, and your output dwarfs his.

Kalia: There’s a thin line between healthy and unhealthy. I know occasional fighting is healthy for a relationship, but what are the signs of just fighting TOO MUCH???

DY: I remember hearing or reading that (paraphrasing) a good relationship has eight good moments to every bad moment. So, if your arguments exceed that number, that’s probably a sign you’re doing it too much

Yinka: I have been dating someone on and off for four years. We finally decided to give it our all. We see each other maybe between 0-2 a week because of his work schedule. In the time we are away he does not want me to hang out. What do you think is a happy medium. I say don’t hold me hostage because you are too busy for “us” time.

DY: I agree with what you’re saying. Also, seeing someone on and off for years is a major red flag. More times than not, if it was supposed to happen, it would have happened already.

Crystal: Why do men say they will never get married, but in another breathe say they want to spend the rest of there life with you and making married decisions? (Like buying houses and cars together.)

DY: LOL, don’t put this on all “men.” Just your confused-A$$ man. Seriously though, just ask him what his issue with marriage is.

Taneysia: What do you do when your mate for over eight years always accusing you of cheating? Ya don’t do nothing and barely go out with ya girls let alone your family.

DY: Tell him to stop or you’re leaving (and mean it).

Yve: I have large breast that somewhat fit my frame and they aren’t causing any bodily stress but they cause me to have to buy bigger tops or sometimes I’m unable to buy dresses that fit my top as well as the rest of my body fits. I don’t have that Sherri Shepard body…lol. My boyfriend loves them and says it looks good and I get lots of compliments, but I just can’t do it any more I want to look into getting them cut down. Should I consult him or just do it.

DY: This is a very tricky question. It’s your body and they’re your breasts, so the obvious answer is that you don’t need to consult with him. But, the realistic answer is to talk with him about it—so he feels involved with the process—and still do it.

I do have a question, though, for the women who think a significant other has no right to even have an opinion on an issue like this. How would you respond if your bf/husband came to you one day like “Man. I’m really tired of carrying all this extra private part around. It just gets in the way sometimes, and I want to chop off 3 or 4 inches of it”? (I know that’s an extreme example, but just play along).

October: How can I get a man to stop smoking??? And learn to control his temper?

DY: You can’t. What you can do, though, is express that there are clear consequences to his actions, and let him make his own decision

Liz: How many men is too many men? And if a woman lies, will the truth be told by her “bedroom skills?”

DY: Depends on the man. I will say, though, that (generally speaking) that a woman with dozens of sexual partners is a turn-off for many men. I know it’s a double standard, but it’s generally true. As far as your bedroom skills goes, I don’t think that’s too much of an indicator of promiscuity. Who knows, you could have learned all those tricks while in a 20 year relationship with the same guy.

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