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Dear Young La,

Why are you so obsessed with what someone else thinks of you? Why are you so taken with having “haters”?

Your obsession with being disliked, judged, hated on… is only a reflection of what is going on inside, girl. And you can’t face that internal truth, can you? You create all this movement in your life. Getting dressed up. Planning this event. Performing at that event. Raising money for this charity. Speaking on this panel. Stepping out to that night spot with your girlfriends. But you’re making the classic error of mistaking movement for achievement. Sure, you do a lot. But none of it fulfills you and in an effort to feel better about your empty pursuits, you create yourself some “haters,” these mythical beings who supposedly can’t stand how well you’re doing and go out of their way to be vocal about it.

Let me put you on to something, sis: All the imaginary haters, naysayers and judgmental folks you’ve created – it’s all just a reflection of what’s going on inside you. You’re empty. You’re searching. You don’t feel fulfilled regardless of how much you do. So, you’ve created a false reality of hateration, as Mary would call it.

Truth moment? Folks aren’t thinking about you half as much as you’ve made yourself believe. You and your girlfriends put yourselves on pedestals claiming everyone hates you for your success when in reality if they even think about you, they dislike you because you’re mean. You’re mean because you’re not fulfilled. You’re not fulfilled because you’re a Grade A, first class narcissist.

Narcissism is real in your life. You take yourself entirely too seriously. You’ve traded self-reflection and humility for false pride and empty movement. Question: Why do you feel as though most people, if not everyone hates you and is judging you? Answer: Because what you choose to see and focus on, on the outside is a reflection of what’s going on inside. You’re unhappy. You’re not proud of where you are. There is an emptiness you’re too scared to fill by really stepping out on faith and walking in your purpose. No. The façade looks good enough. It’s safe. You put on a good show for the masses. You do a LOT, but the substance is lacking. You’re fearful that everyone else can see exactly what you feel inside so you lash out. You twist constructive criticism into “hate” and wise counsel into “judgment” because that’s essentially how YOU feel about yourself.

Look around you, love. Observe those who are really walking in their purpose. They are too busy living life as freely as possible to worry what others think of them. The most successful and fulfilled people you know are too busy moving forward to even acknowledge words like “haters.” Their measure of humility is not lacking. Their ability to meet and exceed life goals and missions is inspiring. They see what is happening around them but they do not let it deter them from where they are headed. They have no desire to play themselves up, toot their own horn, or list their accomplishments as society tells us we must do to get ahead. Their gifts make room for them. And their haters? If they exist, they’re non-factors. So do yourself a favor and get over yourself. You won’t regret it.

With love from 2013,

Grown La


La Truly’s writing is powered by a lifetime of anecdotal proof that awkward can transform to awesome and fear can cast its crown before courage. La writes to encourage thought, discussion and positive change among young women through her writing. Follow her on Twitter: @AshleyLaTruly.

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