Serious Question: Have You Ever Had A Break Up Turn Violent?

April 9, 2013  |  

I like to think I’m a bit of an expert when it comes to my grandmother. Now, I know I couldn’t possibly know everything about her storied past; but I know when it comes to family who knows the most about my now deceased grandmother, I’m at least top 10. But yesterday, my mother shocked me with a bit of new information.

In general, most of the women in my family regard men who’ve yet to prove themselves as a threat. Trouble. People you have to keep both eyes on. They can never catch you slippin.’ Judging by some of the scandalous stories I’ve heard over the years, I can understand why. But just when I think the women in my family are taking things a bit too far, they tell me another outlandish story that lets me know maybe they aren’t so paranoid after all.

Yesterday, after work I decided to do a little shopping. As I was walking around picking up a few things, I was also catching up with my mother. I was telling her how one of my friends; who my mom also knows very well is thinking of breaking up with her current boyfriend. Not because he’s done anything wrong she just feels like their time together has come to an end. I was expecting my mom to immediately and feverently support the maturity and independence of that decision. Instead, she said “umph.” Now, I don’t know about your family dynamic or where you come from. But when it comes to my mother, umph can run the gamut from strongly agree to a polite way of saying “what the hell?!?” In this instance, that umph meant she was about to issue a warning.

“Well, tell her to be careful with that.”

I was too confused. Be careful. If she’s no longer fulfilled by the relationship why should she be careful in expressing that sentiment.

“Because girl, these men out here are crazy.”

Well, yeah. We’ve known that. But is staying with someone just because homeboy might be crazy really a good enough reason to stay in that relationship? My mother made it clear that she wasn’t suggesting that my friend stay with her boyfriend; but that she ease out of the situation.

“You know your grandmother had a crazy boyfriend.”

Huh? I’d only known my grandmother to have two serious boyfriends. The man before my grandfather, the one she really loved, and my grandfather. I’d never heard about this crazy one before.

I asked my mom what he did.

“He threw acid on all of her clothes. He broke into her room and threw acid on her clothes. And he thought she was in there, he was trying to throw acid on her too.”

Well dang! Not only had I never heard that story before it immediately made me think about my friend’s safety and whether the guy she’d been dating had the potential to flip out like my grandmother’s boyfriend did back in the day.

Are these violent break ups common? Have you ever experienced one? Any of you have tips on how to break up with someone, whether they’ve proven to be violent or not, safely?





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