Will I Always Be Here?! The Time I Wept Over Weight Loss

April 8, 2013  |  


Dear Readers,

My body is a little weird.  I know that that’s an odd way to start an article, but it’s true.  I don’t know what type of metabolism I have, but it baffles me on the regular.  If I want to lose weight, I can lose it extremely fast, like losing a little over 30 pounds in one month (which is about a pound a day), and I gain weight just as quickly (I can gain about 6 pounds in one week if I eat all the crazy things that I’m drawn to).  But I have to be honest, when I do the one pound loss a day, it does come with a price of restricting and a workout regimen that’s fitted for athletes, which I think is what causes me to go back to unhealthy eating habits and gain the weight back within a year.

This time, after still carrying the extra weight that I gained from having my daughter I decided to go about it in a more slow and steady pace.  So, I’ve made adjustments to my diet, added a few weight loss apps on my phone, and began a workout routine from my favorite trainer that helps you “shred” the fat in 30 days.  For five days a week, for six weeks I would start my mornings off with circuit training, and then running.  The weight and inches did begin to come off and I felt good about this slow transition.  Until one morning during my fifth week, after the workout and I started cooking myself breakfast and an infomercial came on.  It was from my same favorite trainer and she was advertising her new 90 day workout plan.  I sat down on the couch and watched as testimonials of people standing next to their before pictures, talked about how the workout plan changed their lives.  I felt my eyes began to tear up as I learned that with purchasing the 90 Day workout I could get the eating plan for free, guaranteeing to melt fat away in record time.  I was in full blown bawling mode as they showed the contestants doing the workout, sweating and lifting their shirts to show their rock hard abs.

I know that this is an insane thing to make a person cry, but for some reason, seeing that informercial made me feel so defeated.  I mean, I knew that once the workout DVD that I was using was over, then I would have to go to a different regimen.  But I just began to feel like my pursuit in weight loss was going to be a life long pursuit.  After I finish one workout regimen, I would be going to the next one, then the next, then the next, in an attempt to not only get the perfect body, but to maintain it.

Feeling like this made me disregard all the hard work I’d put into those five weeks, and made me want to give up on the sixth, because, what’s the point?  It’s never going to be enough.  There’s always another workout just waiting to change your slightly less flabby body in a more less flabby body, so you can go to the next work out.

After crying and eating breakfast, and then calling a friend and crying to her, and then crying in the shower, and then maybe three more crying fits throughout the day (I’m just joking, I don’t think I cried that much, but I did cry… which makes me sound kind of sad.) I realized that maybe I had to change how I saw my weight loss journey.  I had to eliminate the idea of what I saw was an imperfect body, stop obsessing over the numbers on the scale, and stop thinking so intently on my “next course of action.”  I learned that when I focus too much on these things, it can make this journey I’m on seem tedious and that makes it become unbearable for me.  I had to learn to take this thing one day at a time and learn to love me as I am for the moment.

I don’t know if my weight loss journey will be a life long pursuit, but I know that by changing how I saw my pursuit has helped me to enjoy it.

Kendra Koger is contemplating a trampoline workout regimen next.  Contemplate going to her twitter @kkoger.

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