Religion Is Ruining My Sex Life

March 12, 2013  |  

From Essence

I never thought that sex would come between my husband and I. I was raised a devout Pentecostal Christian and have only been with one other man in my lifetime – a mistake before I got married. The only thing I learned about sex growing up is that it was bad, dirty and for reproduction only. I am no longer with that particular church but am still a very Godly woman.

When we got married a year ago, my husband used to lovingly call me a prude. He would tease me about being uptight but never with any malice, although he tried to “get it” every night. I would say yes around once or twice a week. Since then, it has become once or twice a month.

Last night, he accused me of not loving him anymore. Of course I love him and the sex is okay, but sex is just not a priority for me. At the end of the day I am exhausted. I’m 32 and he’s 35, so we’re not kids anymore. I know it sounds crazy but I still have my upbringing in my head; sex is for procreation. When he touches me, I don’t really feel aroused and because of it sex feels like a performance. One day he asked me to just touch myself so he could watch and I looked at him like he was crazy. (I’ve never even done that alone.) Since then, it’s been different between us. He called me “icy, frigid and uncaring.”

I want to turn him on again but where do I begin? I feel awkward. I don’t want to be a prude anymore but now I feel like his eyes are starting to wander. Is it too late?

Living Coach Abiola Abrams has for this woman on

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