Ainsley Burrows (@ainsleyburrows
) is a highly respected poet, entrepreneur and creator of The Sweet Spot, a touring erot1c poetry production. He is also the Founder Of Burrows Ink, a multi-media spoken word company, specializing in publishing, recording, event production and consultation. He has won poetry awards all over the world and is the three-time recipient of the Farrago London Poetry Award for best international performer. Ainsley has released multiple critically acclaimed books and albums.
She Wants It Too
Doing the work that I do, I’ve had to re-dream everything I know about sex, women, and relationships. Growing up, I saw sexist propaganda all around me. Jamaican culture, like most cultures, is very chauvinistic. It’s handed down through generations. What I learned from the men in my family was taught to them by their elders. When I came to America, these same notions were reiterated. Studying history in school, I saw how women women were not allowed to vote, or even to work outside the home. Moreover, when I watched TV, went to the movies, looked at print ads, or even hung out in my neighborhood, I saw everywhere how women were not treated as equals. All this affected my perspective of women. How could it not?
Fast forward to me dating and being in relationships, and I carried those same notions with me. I saw my partners through that chauvinistic lens. They couldn’t do what I did, because I was a man. Things started to change when I began writing and going to poetry slams. Many female artists recited pieces that totally challenged these notions that I inherited. My paradigm was shifted. I started thinking differently and questioned these beliefs that I had been given. In order to change how I communicated and related to women, I had to even go a step further and transform the foundation of how I saw women all over. I had to transform everything.Anyone that knows me will tell you that I am always challenging the different ideas that we as men have about women. For instance, one idea that irks me the most is how we see women’s sexuality. I produce sensual art poetry events around the country and as I listen to dozens of female performers, I have slowly come to realize, that women think about sex just as much as men. The world we live in, however, makes it uncomfortable for a woman to fully embrace her sexual freedoms by attaching so many caveats to a woman’s sexuality. Sure she can think about sex as much as men do, but she has to be married, and she can only think about sex with her husband. I argue with my male friends about this all the time. Even though many of them don’t want to admit it, women love sex. Maybe even more than us. The sad truth is this restraining order around women and their sexuality only exists so we as men, can feel secure in our own sexuality and sexual abilities.Today, as I date different women, I have to remember this. I realized that in all fairness, I have to treat the woman, the way I want to be treated. In all areas. For instance, I don’t think I can be monogamous with one woman, but I would also expect that she can’t either. And I’m okay with that. She isn’t any less desirable. I wouldn’t consider her to be loose. She desires sex just as much we do, and there is nothing wrong with that. She wants what I want. We are made of the same stuff. We are equals.
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