Get It How You Live: Are We Too Quick To Judge Other Women For Dating As Many Men As They Can And Please?

March 7, 2013  |  


While going around the Internet being nosy for news, I couldn’t help but notice that Taylor Swift of all people has found herself, or better yet, put herself, in the middle of what some might call a beef with funny ladies Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. If you remember, Fey and Poehler killed as hosts of the Golden Globes in January, and during the show, Fey made a joke at the expense of Swift by saying that the superstar country/pop singer needed to keep her paws away from Michael J. Fox’s son. The joke came soon after Swift’s split with a singer named Harry Styles from the Brit band One Direction, another quick boo-ship gone bad, and though we didn’t get to see her physical reaction via the camera at the Globes, we now know that Swift didn’t take too kindly to the light joke.

In an interview recently with Vanity Fair, Swift was asked about her thoughts on the incident and on the idea of “mean girls,” and she responded by saying the following:

“You know, Katie Couric is one of my favorite people. Because she said to me she had heard a quote that she loved that said, ‘There’s a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women.'”

Wow. Swift also went on to say that she’s saddened by people who criticize her for writing about her feelings on past relationships and expressing herself through her music, saying labeling her all these different negative things for doing so comes off somewhat sexist:
“For a female to write about her feelings, and then be portrayed as some clingy, insane, desperate girlfriend in need of making you marry her and have kids with her, I think that’s taking something that potentially should be celebrated — a woman writing about her feelings in a confessional way — that’s taking it and turning it and twisting it into something that is frankly a little sexist.”
I’m not going to front, I’ve been one of those people who has looked at Swift arm and arm with dudes like Jake Gyllenhaal, writing about John Mayer, hand and hand with Harry Styles and openly expressing her pain about a list of other teenybopper dudes in her music and thought, “GIRL THAT’S WHAT YOU GET! If you don’t sit down somewhere and give yourself some time before moving on to the next one…!” And that might have something to do with the fact that she’s in the public eye so whomever she dates we end up seeing one way or the other and talking about. And while I think she overreacted with her response for Fey and Poehler with the whole “special place in hell” thing, I slowly started to wonder if people like me and others should be judging her, and other women, for doing what many young women do. Date. A lot.
To be completely honest, who really knows what Swift does with these young men, but the singer, the guy and God? Who knows, they could take her out, wine and dine her, and she could easily grow tired of them and/or their behavior and be ready to see what else is out there. Is that really a crime? Just a week or two ago, one of our writers was encouraging us as women to stop dating so seriously, looking for marriage and commitment after the first date and instead enjoy good conversation and a good time. If it can grow into something bigger, then that’s good. If not, it was an experience you had, maybe a friend you made. Yet and still, not knowing what goes on behind the scenes of Swift’s dating experiences, I’ve seen black people, white people–many people call her a h*e for dating so many men.
I noticed this “She-needs-to-sit-down-and-stop-being-a-h*e” mentality was normal when other Hollywood starlets’ names would come up. Blake Lively, who is now married to my white boy crush Ryan Reynolds, but was once courted by even finer dudes like Ryan Gosling and Leonardo DiCaprio gets trashed by some of my coworkers on a daily basis  for her dating past. And while I’m no fan of Kim Kardashian or her family, I never understood why she received the “h*e” tag for dating men that wanted to date her–and I’m talking before Kanye. Annoying chick? Yes. H*e? I don’t really see it. Even Zoe Kravitz has been unfairly labeled from time to time for her dating habits.
Some people have the ability to be very chill when it comes to the whole dating thing, and at the same time, very aware of what it is they will and won’t put up with from guys from jump. So while many of us will date, find out that the guy really isn’t a fit for us, and be by ourselves for a while, others move on without feeling too sad about what did and didn’t work, meet someone else they’re interested in and enjoy their company for however long that lasts. Unless they tell you flat out that they’re sleeping with such people, it’s not really fair to assume that that is what comes with having fun while dating. And if they are sleeping with these men…what business is that of ours?
While I’m not a fan of Swift’s music (or her “I love to pretend I’m so shocked by everything” personality), nor of her shade towards two of my favorite female comedians, I can see why she would be frustrated with people coming at her head for dating who she wants, when she wants, how she wants. In fact, she told Vanity Fair she’s only had TWO real relationships, so dating has indeed been what she’s been doing. So to have everyone from teenagers to grown a** women calling her out her name or nitpicking her and her temporary new beaus for what we assume is happening, that must suck. She has no kids she’s exposing men to, no big baggage. So why not? But what I can’t jive with is the fact that she uses every relationship to blast somebody in song form, only giving her innocent side of the story. That doesn’t make her a clingy, insane, desperate woman in my eyes…just a little bogus. But what I think we can take away from people like her and other women  who date so freely is that you should date who you want to date, when you want to date them and how. Get it how you live (please just be safe if you are engaging in more than meals). But shaming folks for having a healthy social life is just a tad bit unfair now that I think about it. Especially since folks love lives are none of my business anyway. I’ll do better…how about you?

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