Ask A Very Smart Brotha: How Do Men Know Where They Measure Up?

February 6, 2013  |  
Hi Damon,
It’s pretty easy it is for women to compare themselves to other women physically. Like “I have a bigger butt than her, she has bigger boobs than me etc.” But, it’s obviously more difficult for men. Do men want to know how they um, measure up? If so how they go about finding out?
Curious About Comparing

Dear Curious,

There are two possible answers to this question.

1. “No, we don’t care about that Shyte. What I look like giving a damn about what some other dude is working with. That’s kinda gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with being kinda gay, but still kinda gay nonetheless. ” 
This is a lie.
2. “Yes, we do care.”
This is the truth.
Now, before I answer the second part of your question, I’m going to tell you a story a friend shared with me a few years ago. He happened to come across some Adult Videos when he was in his early teens, and this made him extremely self-conscious. Apparently, this was the only time he’d ever seen another private part besides his own before, and he didn’t realize that the foot-long men in adult videos are, um, outliers. Basically, he assumed that the average man had a “Adult Videos sized” private part. It wasn’t until he actually started having sex—and came across some research on private part size—that he realized he had nothing to be self-conscious about.
This story is an example of the awkward thought process regarding men, private part size, and how we measure up to other men. No one is actually supposed to admit to caring about it—and, unless you watch Adult Videos, you’re probably never going to see another erect private part beside your own—but men do care about it. Possessing the ability to please women sexually is a big deal to most men, and many of us feel that the bigger you are, the more enjoyment women will have while sleeping with you. There are numerous socialization-related reasons why males grow up feeling this way—Adult Videos, knowing that bigger/taller men are more attractive to women, Missy Elliot and Trina songs, etc—and it’s not until men get a little older that we start to realize that while size matters, it’s not everything. Sure, there are a small percentage of women who need enormous penises to satisfy them. But, for most, while a workable size still is necessary, things like rhythm and stamina and the ability to stay completely erect matter just as much. 
Anyway, as far as how to find out how we “measure up,” there are a few ways to do this. Since, as you mentioned in your question, men can’t just look at another man the same way a woman can see another woman’s breasts or butt, none of these methods are full-proof. But, they’re all we have. 
1. The locker room
If you’ve played on a sports team or belong to a gym, you’ve likely seen numerous men unclothed. And, when you happen to be around unclothed men, you, um, notice things. You’re not looking for things—in fact, there’s an unspoken rule that your eyes are never supposed to drop…ever (you’ll never see men make stronger eye contact with each other than when speaking in a locker room or shower)—but sometimes certain things just pop up in your line of vision, and those things get stored in your memory bank.
Only “problem” with this, though, is that you’re only going to see flaccid penises in the locker room, and erect size is the size that matters. (I put “problem” in quotations because, well, the fact that there aren’t any erect penises in the locker room is actually a good thing, not a problem.)
2. Pay attention to women
Women are, and always will be, the best private part politicians. If you’re blessed down there and/or if you’re “good” at sex, women will tell you and they’ll tell other women. Maybe they won’t just come out and tell you you’re the Shyte—although some will—but the truth will come out in how they respond to you. 
The only problem with this, though, is that women are humans beings, and human beings aren’t known for being particularly objective. Basically, how much she likes you has the potential to add (or subtract) inches from your private part when she thinks about it and/or tells other women about it. 
Along with these, you can always go on the internet and actually research size. Although the numbers in any type of survey tend to be skewed because they’re relying on men to self-report—and, when men self-report, we tend to add an inch or two to our size—most surveys and doctors will tell you that most men fall somewhere between 5 and 7 inches erect (with some above and some, unfortunately, below). 
And, if none of these methods work, we can always just whip it out at the bar. If you get kicked out immediately, you’re probably not packing. But, if you get kicked out immediately—and get a couple phone numbers slipped to you before you leave—you probably are. 

Pittsburgh native Damon Young (aka “The Champ”) is the co-founder of the ridiculously popular Their first book “Your Degrees Won’t Keep You Warm At Night: The Very Smart Brothas Guide To Dating, Mating and Fighting Crime” is available at


MadameNoire Radio

Our staff has picked their favorite stations, take a listen...

Trending on MadameNoire

Comment Disclaimer: Comments that contain profane or derogatory language, video links or exceed 200 words will require approval by a moderator before appearing in the comment section. XOXO-MN