In Defense of Kenya Moore, It’s Hard To Be The Single Friend Of Married And Attached Couples

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By now, everybody has witnessed Kenya Moore’s boundary crossing performance (literally) with Apollo Nida, husband of Phaedra Parks on last Sunday’s episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta.

For some folks out there, watching Moore horse around in the pool with Nida and then turn around and drop it very low for Peter Thomas, who is married to Cynthia Bailey, confirms why you should never leave your husband around single women, especially if the woman appears extremely motivated to answer the ticking of her biological clock. But it also illustrates the difficulties of being a single friend among married and attached couples.  Kenya is wildly inappropriate to be in the company of married people. However, if this was a bunch of single friends, the story might play out differently. Single people flirt. We flirt for sexual reasons; we flirt because it’s fun and we flirt because we are bored. Why just yesterday, I engaged in some casual conversation, which by some standards might be accused as being flirtatious, with some random guy at the gas station just because I had time to spare while pumping my gas. When you are a single hetero, any conversation with the opposite sex can be misconstrued as being flirtatious. And navigating that rocky terrain can be tricky to learn, especially when trying to build friendships around couples.

Everybody on RHOA is pretty much coupled up. NeNe and Greg appear to be working things out. Peter and Cynthia actually seem sweet together this season. Porsha has her husband, Kordell, and even Kandi has a decent dude in her life. Love is definitely in the air. Well, at least for everyone except Moore, who went as far as to allegedly get a dude to pretend to be her boyfriend for the purpose of the show. No, it’s not easy being the odd pairing in an environment where everyone is matched the same, even if you don’t go as far as Moore. Try being a childless single at your best friend’s son’s fourth birthday party. Honestly, you didn’t want to attend because you knew it would be nothing there but children and women talking about children, but you go because you are a good best friend. But unfortunately, you spend the entire day fielding questions as to why you have no children yet and wiping birthday cake off your skirt.

In college, I had one girlfriend who used to date this guy and bring him along everywhere she went, including to places where it would be just us girls. We always suspected that insecurity was at play, but she assured us that he wanted to tag along. Unlike the rest of us, her boyfriend wasn’t a college student. He just came along after his girlfriend got accepted to college. Being from outside of the state, he had no friends and no job, so he spent most of his days bored in their shared apartment.  Therefore, the only company he had was through his girlfriend and her new college girlfriends. Anyway, her boyfriend with us so much that eventually he became one of the girls. He was down to earth, knew about soap operas and had this biting sense of humor.  We loved him – in a purely platonic way.

Well, one day a few of us girls were having drinks at my apartment and we had invited the couple to come along.  Our friend’s boyfriend showed up without our friend. We asked about her whereabouts and he told us that she would be coming along shortly. Twenty minutes later, it’s a knock at the door. It’s our friend.  She is standing there with a sour look on her face. I invite her in but she declines, instead requesting that her boyfriend comes to the door. Five minutes later, we see their car pull off down the street, and after that evening, we started seeing less and less of the couple. We would later find out that our friend was upset that her boyfriend had come over to my house without her, and that she suspected that he was cheating on her with one of us. We always found that unusual considering they were together all the time. When would he cheat?  Plus, he was too broke and weird looking for us.

There’s no doubt that Moore’s flare for the dramatics – and as what has been alleged as a grab for more screen time – is a major reason why she comes off nuttier than a pecan log roll. But there are times that for single people, even the most unintentional and innocent of interactions with the opposite sex can be misconstrued as something more than suggested. I found it interesting how during the same party during the same episode, Cynthia took it all in stride when Moore bent over and twerked it in front of Peter. In fact, she confidentially joined them as they danced.  The mere fact that Phaedra was that agitated about a couple of stupid jokes and horseplay in the pool – done in her face I might add – probably speaks more about her own relationship with Apollo than Moore’s overall playful demure. Not to mention that Phaedra’s butt floss, and spider web swimsuit definitely smelled of anxiety.

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