Pimp in Distress: 14 Things We Learned From Katt Williams’ Breakdown

December 12, 2012  |  
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We feel bad for Katt Williams, really bad. At first it was fun to watch him showing out all over the western seaboard, but eventually we realized he was clearly in the middle of a very public meltdown and there was no one there to help him. Though a lot of bad things have come out of Katt’s constant screw-ups, we have gained some important information and learned a few things along the way— not the least of which being crack is beyond wack. But here are a few other interesting tidbits that revealed themselves while Katt went on a rampage.

You can challenge a whole crowd of people to a fight

I didn’t know it could be done until I saw Katt Williams seemingly lose his mind in Oakland. He stood on the stage and freestyle rap/cussed everybody in that mug out at the same time. That’s pretty bold. Thankfully no one took him up on his offer.

Faizon Love is a tattle tale

Early in October when Katt was first losing his grip, he threatened Faizon Love with a pistol in a parking lot. According to Katt, Faizon owed him $50,000. Katt didn’t shoot him but he did call him fat and told him to write some better jokes. After Faizon called the cops, he called TMZ. When Katt heard that Faizon spilled, he said “You’re saying he’s a snitch? You’re saying he’s a bald faced rat. You said that he went and told you street business?” Katt has a point. Telling TMZ seems unnecessary.

There’s something off about Katt’s age

While Katt was losing touch with reality in Oakland, he let slip that he’s been lying about his age. Check Katt William’s Wikipedia page — go ahead, I’ll wait. It says Katt Williams is 39 years old. But when he was on stage in Oakland cussing people out, he let slip that he was actually 43 in a rhyme: “I look like I’m young N***a, I’m 43 get f—ed by a fossil.” Busted.

Katt is a better comedian than Richard Pryor and Eddie Murphy

At least according to Katt. During his Oakland rant, Katt pointed out that he’d had seven comedy specials while Pryor and Murphy only had two apiece. He didn’t mention the fact that at least two of those specials had a lot of the same material. And that at least one wasn’t really that funny.

Cocaine is a helluva drug

One theory for Katt’s Oakland breakdown is Bay Area coke. After Katt’s entourage dragged him offstage, the MC — Too Short– said that someone gave Katt some Bay Area drugs and he wasn’t ready for how strong they were. By the way, that is the worst cover story I have ever heard in my life. You’re supposed to say he has “exhaustion” or “dehydration” not “sorry he got too high.” That’s just ignorant. Katt needs to upgrade his entourage.

It’s OK to cry on TV

If Money Mike can cry on TV, than anybody can. But on the cool, I don’t think Katt caught that tear running down his face when he got on camera and said he was quitting. This moment was kind of sad. Your boy looked real emotional when he said was quitting comedy and it seemed to be a true moment of consciousness and acknowledgment that things had gotten out of hand.

You can’t keep your hair tight while you’re having a breakdown

Things must be really bad ’cause Katt usually opens a set with a story about his visit to the shop. But Katt showed up in Oakland with some crazy baby blue hat on. And when he took it off what was underneath was a hot mess. James Brown was a couple of decades into a drug addiction before he let his perm get that bad.

Katt ain’t that crazy

One of the funniest parts of Katt’s Oakland show was when his mouth wrote a check that his behind couldn’t cash. At one point some big, swole dude got tired of Katt’s mouth. Katt ran down stairs like he was going to fight him…but he didn’t run all the way. He stood right there on them steps until his entourage was on stage. Then he was all “hold me back”.

You can make a getaway on a motorized scooter

Everybody’s heard about Katt mollywopping Forrest Liebenberg at Wal-Mart. But what you might not know is that Katt made his getaway on one of those motorized carts they keep up front for old people. You shouldn’t think about trying that, but should the time come, you know what your options are.

Keepin’ it real can go really wrong

While in Seattle, Katt fought a whole family at a restaurant. I don’t even know what a family could say to somebody to get threatened with a pool cue and run out of a place of dining,  but Katt not only did that but he followed them out to the car, chucked rocks then pulled his lit cigarette out of his mouth and hit a lady in the face with it. Whatever went down I’m sure Katt kept it real. And he went from sitting down having a nice meal in the comfort of a restaurant to facing assault charges.

You can be funny while running from the po po

On November 25th, the police tried to pull Katt over — not for driving while black but for driving a three wheeler on the sidewalk in YOLO county, California. When Katt wouldn’t pull over, the cops chased him and people probably fell out laughing watching him run away from the law on a sidewalk on a giant tricycle. Hence they didn’t bother to chase for long.

Katt holds the world record for the shortest retirement from comedy

Four days after he cried on TV and quit, Katt got his PR agent to get the word out that he was just playing. But he might be out of the game for a little longer than he planned because he finally got arrested 25 miles outside of Sacramento thanks to one of the many warrants he managed to rack up over the past few months.

Katt can preach

It was just for a second in Oakland when Katt came back on stage for a minute, after his crew drug him off.  Standing in front of the audience, when he called on “Jehovah and his son Jesus” people in the crowd were raising their hands and hollerin’ like they were in church. He just might end up behind the pulpit before it’s all said and done.

Katt still loves the kids

His kids to be exact. Despite what the public may think about Katt right now, the comedian truly has a big heart. When the father of one biological son and seven adopted kids spoke to a Seattle news station about his recent hangups, he told the anchor:
“This was a place I like to bring my kids and let them do stuff without people caring who they were. I got arrested in front my kids three times in my three days stay in Seattle… And all we were doing was coming into town to sell jokes and police department painted me as some sort of public menace that came to town.”
Let’s hope he can get the help he needs at least for the sake of his kids.

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