Ask A Very Smart Brotha: Why Do Men Just Disappear?

December 5, 2012  |  

E: What are some ways you can bring the fire back in your relationship if it’s been 10 yrs?

DY: I’ve never been at that ten year point with anyone (and congrats for that), but when going through a bout of relationship malaise, I’ve always found that it helps to remind yourself of why you’re even with that person in the first place. What was it about them that gave/gives you butterflies? When did you first realize that this was the person for you? What was the most fun you’ve ever had together?

When you start to consciously attempt to remember things like this, it helps you also remember that relationships need continual cultivation. Part of that is to continue “dating” each other like you were when you were still dating. Go on a trip together. If that’s not affordable, plan a staycation where you just rent out a hotel room for a weekend, shut everyone out, and have fun with each other. There are a ton of different things you can do, but before you do any of them you have to remind each other of why you’ve reached that 10 year mark in the first place.


I’am: I would like to know why it’s so important for a man to keep these “platonic” friends and then turn around and say something like they don’t really matter.

DY: That depends on the man. Sometimes, a platonic friend is just that. And sometimes, “platonic” = “woman I used to Fawk, woman I am Fawking, or woman I haven’t Fawked yet but want to.”


April: What qualities does a man NEED to see to know if he had found his wife?

DY: That depends on the man. Every dude has a different “wife” list. For instance, some guys need a woman to be able to throw down in the kitchen. For me, though, as long as she knows where to find the best take out menus, I’m good.

I will say though, that if a man has found his “one,” there will be no ambiguity. Everyone around him—including her—will be sure of it. If you’re not sure, you’re not it.


Vonie: Why do men flirt in relationships?

DY: It depends on the man. Some do it because that’s just the way they interact with women. Others do it because, well, romantic relationships are tenuous by nature, and they don’t want to get too rusty if their status changes.

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