Do You Do The Female Around Your Man Thing?

December 5, 2012  |  

While I was getting my fill of Monday night reality TV, I observed an interesting interaction between Tiffney and Jayceon, aka, The Game, on their new show, Marrying The Game. In one of those crazy, overbearing, insecure woman moments, Tiffney completely flipped out about The Game going on a one-day trip to Cannes, France, for a show and bringing his assistant, who happens to be a woman, with him. In between cursing The Game out for leaving his wife (which she’s not yet) at home but taking a b***h out of town with him, Tiffney admitted in her confessional, “I don’t do the female around my man thing.” I sat back thinking, this is a bit much, except I realize for a lot of women it’s not.

Immediately my mind went back to another foiled reality TV plot on the same network in which Lala took issue with Carmelo’s close relationship with his female assistant. Though the level of sincerity in Lala’s claims of concern warranted about a 2 on a scale of 1 to 10, for many women, they don’t do the female around their man thing, especially when said female is waiting on her man’s beck and call in the form of an assistant. After I thought about the Lala reference, my mind then went back to the movie Obsessed, which, in my defense, I wouldn’t know from beginning to end were it not for Idris Elba, but nevertheless it illustrates this concern again. After Idris’s character wifed up Bey’s they had a strict agreement: no female assistants. Granted, Beyonce’s character had a pretty good reason for coming up with this rule since she was once in that position and got her boss to put a ring on it, but is that type of stipulation really realistic in this day and age?

Like attractive nannies, assistants are right at the top of the list of ladies married women tend to be weary of. In the same way you wouldn’t put a slice of chocolate cake in front of someone trying to lose weight, it’s a risky thing for a man to constantly have a young, attractive able-bodied woman on-hand to take care of all of his needs without any of the lip his wife would. With that type of exchange, it’s not hard to see how these affairs pop off so frequently in corporate America. But let’s be real, like Future says, ain’t no way around it. I’m pretty sure the last time I saw a male assistant he was sewing up someone’s garment on a Lifetime Fashion reality show. Like male babysitters and nannies, this just isn’t a profession men are in and if your partner is climbing up the corporate ladder, chances are at some point in his career he’s going to have a woman assisting him. Are you going to throw a tantrum every time a business need comes up that she fulfills, or are you going to establish some reasonable boundaries and zero tolerance behavior?

Personally, to the assistant I say be all that you can be (“make that money don’t let it make you” in my Diamond from Player’s Club voice). But here’s the thing, just make sure whatever it is that you’re being is business-related. Whenever I watch movies showing assistant-boss relationships I think, is this real? People have their subordinates out her picking up dry-cleaning, getting their kids from school, rotating their tires? Those things are personal and when personal and professional lives become too intertwined  boundaries are bound to be crossed and that’s when things get messy. This is a prime example of people needing to know their role. The only time an assistant should be assisting her male boss is between the hours of 9-5 and when it relates to assisting said boss’s business needs. Anything beyond that, yes, we do in fact have a problem.

If I were Tiffney I’d be concerned too. I mean we are talking about the same man who wants to legalize polygamy and who unabashedly pronounced that all men cheat. I wouldn’t want him going out of town with his female assistant either, but then again I also probably wouldn’t be wasting my time planning a wedding to a jerk like that. As we’ve already established, a man is going to cheat when and where he wants to. He doesn’t have to go out of the country for that. The truth is, most women likely won’t have any choice in the matter when it comes to choosing who might be assisting her man do his job, so it would behoove most of us to spend more time choosing men who we don’t have to be so concerned about cheating any chance they get and get off their backs and let assistants do what their supposed to do, assist.

What do you think about women’s paranoia over their men having female assistants? Is it warranted? Would you be concerned if your man had a female assistant?

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