Learning From Singlehood: How I Received A Good Guy Into My Life During My Season Of Self

December 3, 2012  |  

A few years ago, I decided to take a hiatus from the dating scene for personal and spiritual reasons. I decided that I needed a break before I delved back onto the dating scene because I needed time to heal from past relationships, I needed to uproot the bitterness I’d buried within and learn how to turn that hurt and pain into positive lessons I could take with me on my continued journey through life. I also needed time to reconnect and build a more profound relationship with God in order to truly know and understand my purpose as a single woman. Taking this hiatus was one of the best decisions I made for myself. I learned a lot about myself, which made me more confident in who I am, and helped me to discover the type of man I truly desired a relationship with when the time was right.

During the early stages of my break from dating, close friends and family would always ask was I dating anyone, or was anyone interested. I would gleefully reply no and no! They would say okay with a smile, but then ask why not? I would then tell them that I was finally in a good place and that I was joyful in my heart and spirit about my single life. After hearing my explanation, they understood why I responded the way I did and encouraged me to continue taking my time. While on this hiatus, I’ve met a number of guys that wanted to ‘go out’, or meet up for drinks, and have even exchanged numbers with a select few. I even toyed with the thought of returning to the dating scene, but then I soon realized that I really enjoyed being completely single and unattached.

Then one day while walking along my merry way, I glanced over my right shoulder and I noticed a guy walking slightly next to me. The next thing I know we had struck up a conversation.

During our conversation I found out that we worked in the same area, in the same field and that we were both on short lunch breaks. We exchanged phone numbers and said goodbye for the moment. After that interaction, I immediately asked myself, why did you do that knowing that you are not interested in dealing with any man on any level right now? So I thought about it and I said that it’s nothing serious, and he seems like a good guy to have as a friend. After rationing with myself, it was set in my mind that this new guy in my life would only be my friend. I mean after all, male friends are the best friends a woman can have sometimes. The next morning, I received a text from my new found friend wishing me a good day. I replied the same and moved on with my day.

This type of communication went on consistently for about two weeks before our first phone conversation. We communicated consistently for about two to three months before my new friend asked, when will I see you again?  I’m thinking to myself…here it goes. While not trying to jump to conclusions, I knew my friend wanted to be more than friends. Before I answered I thought to myself, what harm could meeting up with him do? He’s a nice, well-rounded guy that I enjoy talking to. But then I thought what if he tries to come on strong and I have to shut him down? Will that ruin our budding friendship? After thinking quickly I told him that we could meet for lunch whenever our schedules permitted. He agreed and we ended our conversation shortly after. When we got off the phone I was looking forward to our future lunch date, but I was hoping that we would end up on the same page with both of us remaining friends because in times past, I’ve gone out on what were seemingly harmless dates that led to relationships real quick.

However, during my hiatus, I learned why that happened: because I feared losing a good man more than I valued being single. I thought that I could not live a productive life without a man and that I could never be happy being single. Boy was I wrong! But I had to take a step back from the dating scene to find out who I was as a single woman, and learn how to be completely single. I’m also learning that there are a plethora of good, single men in the world to have productive relationships with and that I don’t have to be in a rush to settle down. I’ve learned that every man that comes into my life has a purpose, and I need to pray and ask for direction on what that purpose is before I miss out on the blessing that he will be to me, and I to him. At this point I’m not sure what my friend’s purpose in my life is, but I know he has one and as we continue building our friendship it will be revealed. What do you think ladies? Has a good guy ever come into your life at the wrong time, or at a time when you weren’t ready for a relationship?

Liz Lampkin is the Author of Are You a Reflection of the Man You Pray For? Follow her on Twitter @Liz_Lampkin.

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