Ask A Very Smart Brotha: Should I Date An Insecure Man?

October 17, 2012  |  

Jolene: Does size really matter?

DY: Yes, the size of the skillet I used to fry eggs this morning definitely does matter. A smaller skillet wouldn’t have allowed the eggs to scramble the same way.

 

Felicia: Do you think it’s ok to put women in binders?

DY: Of course! That’s the title of my next book: “How To Put B*ches in Binders.” Paul Ryan actually wrote the foreword

 

Tonisha: Why do men take longer than women to commit to an exclusive relationship?

DY: Actually, you got it wrong. Men who are really into the women they’re with are usually ready to lock it down before she even is. The guys who are ambivalent are usually the guys who just are all that into you.

 

Dominique: Does the lack of a mother figure in a man’s life dictate how he interacts with women? If they had a bad relationship how do you develop a strong relationship with him?

DY: I can’t lie to you and say that it doesn’t matter, but, at the same time, a man can overcome that and have positive relationships with women. I mean, if we were going to start weeding people out because of the relationships they had with their parents, like 70% of Black America would be un-dateable.

 

Jamilah: I hope this is not an awkward question to ask. Should a man tell a woman he loves her first even though she knows she is in love with him but is afraid to say it to him first because of possible rejection that he might not feel the same way? Secondly if you are dating a man when do u think the talk about where is our relationship is going should begin, 3 months, 6 months after the relationship has kindly taken off in a good note. I would like to start dating again but I don’t want to spend to much time with a man if the relationship is not going to be long term.

DY: Hmm, I see what you mean about a man saying “I love you” first, but I’m also not a fan of playing a game of “I love you” chicken. I mean, if you feel like you love someone, just tell them. If this scares them away or if it’s unreciprocated then, well, that lets you know it wasn’t meant to be. As far as when to have the “talk” goes, I’m not going to give you an arbitrary date for when to do it. Bring it up when you feel like you might be ready to make that step

 

Crystal: I’m trying to come to terms with divorce and finally getting rid of a man with no motivation, no goals, and no job. Everyone is to blame for all his short comings. I kept holding on for over 16 yrs hoping my love was enough and eventually he would see he needs to get on track and support his wife and family. Unfortunately, a week after getting rid of him he moved in with another woman and her children. I can no longer save him. How do I come to the terms that I made the right decision to move on with the three children we have?? I still feel bad for the children, I never wanted it to come to this…

DY: After everything you said about him, just be happy and thankful that you divorced him after 16 years instead of 17.

 

Kat: Is it possible to help an insecure man that has low self esteem if he’s a really good person? Is he datable or should he stay in the friend zone?

DY: It is possible. It’ll take some work — and, you run the risk of building his self-esteem, and him bouncing on you, confident that he can do “better” — but if you feel like he’s worth it, then go ahead. Not all men are born full of swagger and assertiveness. Some need a little more help to get there than others.

 

Pittsburgh native Damon Young (aka “The Champ”) is the co-founder of the ridiculously popular VerySmartBrothas.com. Their first book “Your Degrees Won’t Keep You Warm At Night: The Very Smart Brothas Guide To Dating, Mating and Fighting Crime” is available at Amazon.com

 

 

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