An Open Letter To My Single Sistahs: You Can’t Turn a Man-Slore Into A Husband

October 17, 2012  |  

Dear Single Sistahs,

I am writing this letter to my Single Sistahs who are in a monogamous relationship, those who are engaged or desire to be married, those who are in the beginning stages of a relationship, those who are in a monogamous relationship with potential for marriage, and especially to those who believe they have the influence and power to change a man.

I am even writing to my Sistahs who are engaged or married to ‘reformed’ players, playboys and jiggalows. I’m writing this letter to my single and married Sistahs to let you know that you can’t turn a man-slore into a husband. Why can’t you turn a man-slore into a husband? For these simple and common sense reasons: 1.You can’t change a man’s mind about marriage, or settling down. Why can’t you change his mind? Because it’s his choice whether he wants to marry you or not. It doesn’t matter how much you cook for him, how often you clean for him, how good you sex him (or how much), how often you keep his kids for him, how much you call or text him, or how many other husband privileges you give your boyfriend or significant other. None of this will change his mind or influence him to become a husband or even your husband.

Reason 2. It’s not your job to change his mind about marriage, or settling down. Many of us believe that when we meet a man we believe to be ‘the one’ we have to do everything within our power to convince him that we are ‘the one’ for him. So we have the tendency to do the things previously listed to show him that we are worthy of the ring! But what we often fail to realize is that within relationships our only job is to be his companion while being who we are, because the bottom line is if he wants to be with you monogamously he will. And guess what?  If he wants to marry you it’ll be for who you are, not what you can do for him, because the truth of the matter is there is nothing different you can do that another woman is not willing to learn or has already done, but you can be you. So don’t wreck your brain or your body trying to change his mind. It’s not your job.

Reason 3. You should accept him for who he is, and who he’s not. If the man you are seeing is not one for settling down and wants to continue playing the field, then your best bet is to leave the relationship because you don’t want to waste your precious time waiting for him to marry or settle down with you and he’s not interested in marriage, or monogamous relationships. On the other hand,  the man you are in a relationship with may not be interested in marriage or monogamy at this point in his life, and you have to be okay with that because it’s who he is at this time in his life. It doesn’t make him a dog or a playboy; it’s just who he is and what he wants to do with the relationships he’s involved in at that point in his life.

Reason 4. A woman cannot teach a man how to be a husband; that’s something he must learn from other men, married or even those that are divorced. Trying to turn a playboy, or even a man who is not a playboy into a husband is not something a woman can do because a woman may know the traits and characteristics they want in a man for a husband, but only a man knows how to execute those traits and characteristics, and only a man can show another man how to do so. He has to be willing to watch other married men, and listen to their advice on marriage. He can even listen to men who are divorced and listen to what not to do in a marriage. But the main thing a man has to do is have the desire to be married. My Single Sistahs (and married ones) it’s not our job to convert boys to men and men into husbands, but it is our job to walk uprightly as women they will want to marry.

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