You Owe It To Yourself: Things You Should Do Before Entering A New Relationship During Cuffing Season

October 12, 2012  |  
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Before the autumn leaves even hit the ground you can rest assure that the chilled weather and sounds of the whipping wind won’t be the only thing reminding you of what season it is. You can also count on overhearing chatter, possibly participating in a few conversations of your own, reading Facebook statuses, and coming across tweets that remind you that as soon as the temperature drops it is officially “cuffing season.” For those who are unfamiliar, cuffing season is a period during the colder months in which some singles tend to desire to hook up with another person to settle down with them for the fall and winter months. These relationships usually end once the weather warms up and “choosing season” begins. I don’t really buy into the “cuffing season” philosophy because I don’t really feel that it is smart to rush into a relationship just because of a season (or loneliness). Rushed autumn relationships seem to frequently end in painful or even indifferent spring heartbreaks. So, before you go hopping into a relationship, check out some of the things that you should do for yourself before entering into a new relationship.

Develop a clear definition of who you are and what you want out of life 

Love is a beautiful thing, but it is so easy to lose yourself in a relationship. Knowing who you are as an individual and exactly what it is that you wish to accomplish will help keep you from straying away from the path that you’ve set for yourself as a result of a relationship that may only be temporary.

Asses your motives

Why exactly do you even want to be in a relationship? Are you lonely? Looking to appease some type of boredom or void? Recognizing and honestly admitting to yourself the reason why you wish to be in a relationship may help you to realize that you may not actually wish to be committed to a relationship at all. Possibly the void that you were looking to fill with this new person could be more suitably filled with something else. Like a hobby?

Rid yourself of previous baggage

My mentor always used to tell me to chew the meat and spit out the bones. I often reflect on this philosophy in my adult life, especially when it comes to love and relationships. Remember what you learned from past relationships, but it’s not a good idea to hold onto pain from the past and negative experiences. By not freeing yourself from these things you could be damaging your future. You’ll feel much better (and lighter) once you let these things go.

Recognize your own capabilities

Are you able to give what you are expecting to get out of a relationship. Perhaps you desire a person that you can talk to, but are you willing to listen as well? Maybe you want someone who will shower you with love and affection, but are you capable of doing the same? Relationships are a two-way street, so knowing what you have to offer is just as important as knowing what you want.

Asses your expectations

What are you expecting of this new person? What would you like to become of this relationship? By being real with yourself and honestly acknowledging what you desire or expect to become of this relationship, you are able to make a thorough assessment as to whether or not your expectations are realistic regarding this particular person. Are you hoping to settle down and have a family, a house with a white picket fence, and a dog with a person who doesn’t believe in marriage, dislikes children, and is allergic to dogs? Or are you just looking for a few months of fun while someone else is looking for more? Acknowledging these things now will lessen disappointments later.


Enjoy your time of singleness

Being single is not a curse. It can be a very fulfilling and exciting time of self-discovery. Focus on you, learn more about yourself, travel, pick up a new hobby, do something you’ve always wanted to do. This is a time in your life that should be thoroughly enjoyed.

Jazmine Denise is a freelance writer living in New York. Follow her on Twittter @jazminedenise

All photos are courtesy of Shutterstock 

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