Listen Up Ladies: 14 Universal Truths About Love That Will Help You Find The One Faster

October 17, 2012  |  
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There are universal truths about dating and love. Subconsciously, we all know what they are. But each time we get hurt or disappointed, we fool ourselves into thinking that our situation was “different” and that something else was at play. We go on to torture ourselves for weeks, trying to understand why things didn’t work out. In the end, when all the muck and details have been worked through, we come back to the same answers every time.

Honesty is the fastest route

The truth always comes out some how, even if nobody is willing to vocalize it. But if you’re madly in love with a guy that will just never feel the same about you, or if the reverse is true, the truth will always come out through somebody’s actions. The truth chases you everywhere you go. You’ll feel more in control of your love life, and find the person that’s right for you quicker, if you start letting the truth work for you, instead of against you. Always say what it is that you want in your heart. Say it all. If the person you say it to can give you what you want, they will. If they weren’t able on the spot, they were never going to be.

If he didn’t like me, he wasn’t right for me

The concept of “winning someone over” shouldn’t even exist. Chemistry is something that is mutually felt, and pretty instantaneous. If you like a guy, and he doesn’t like you back, that is simply because you are not a good fit, and you were the last one to realize it. When someone is right for you, you never feel that you have to work for his or her affection. Just being you “wins them over.”

Our attraction was only sexual

When you sleep with a guy relatively soon, and things just don’t feel right afterwards, it’s easy to think that you ruined things by rushing into sex. Here’s the truth: if a connection is there, it is there, and it will still be there after sex. Sometimes, however, what we interpret as “feelings” for someone is just intense sexual tension, and once we do the deed, that tension is gone. And so are those “feelings.” But, those feelings were never real. You didn’t ruin anything.

Chemistry can’t be felt online

After countless online dates that turn into in-person dates that turn into disappointment, you’ll start to think you’re just no good at online dating. You’ll start to think you must be blind to something, because your emails with that person seemed so good. But no amount of emails and witty exchange can indicate whether or not there will be chemistry between two bodies when they are next to each other. Again: it doesn’t matter how great your online conversations were. You have to meet to know if there is chemistry. Do yourself a favor and keep the emails to a minimum before the date. Just find out if there is chemistry already!

My ex did me a favor by moving on

If you were struggling to get over an ex and he got into a new relationship, consider it a favor to you. Yes, it is incredibly painful at first, but it might be the first real wall that went up to keep you from doing stupid things. Stupid things like going to bars you knew he’d be at, or drunk texting him, or asking him to “hang as friends.” Some people need something physically standing in their way from trying to get back with their ex, to finally move on.

If my intentions are good, I shouldn’t have to explain myself

Constant fighting in a relationship can feel so frustrating because you feel like you and your partner are speaking two different languages. And, if you truly are fighting daily, you probably are speaking two languages and may never speak the same one. If someone really understands you, then no matter how cruel, dumb, or suspicious your actions look, they will know your intentions are pure. They can feel that. You don’t want to spend your life with someone who needs you to verbally break down everything you say and do, just so that they don’t get mad.

The grass always seem greener on the other side

You will fantasize about other people while in a relationship. The longer your relationship goes on, the more this will happen because you’ll crave to be “new” to somebody. Being new and exciting to somebody feels good. It can be addicting. But realize this: you can’t be new to anyone forever. If you left your current partner for someone that finds you “exciting,” eventually things would calm down with the two of you as well. So where do your real priorities lay? Can you give up your ego to cultivate a loving, long-lasting relationship?

If it feels wrong, it is wrong

Don’t let anybody tell you what your standards should be. If you can’t tolerate yelling in your relationship, but your friend says, “Ah. Everybody yells sometimes” don’t listen to her! You know where your lines are. If something feels wrong for you, it is wrong for you.

There is no excuse for me being less than happy

He’s too busy, he is forgetful, he has commitment issues etc. It doesn’t matter what the excuse is. Women are so empathetic, that we always try and “understand” when a man is falling short of our desires. But know this: no matter how much you understand why he cannot give you what you want, he still cannot give you what you want. And there is no excuse for you to live with that.

I got over the last breakup

So I can get over this one. No matter how numbingly painful a breakup feels when you’re in the depths of it, practice this exercise: visualize yourself after your last breakup. See yourself crying with all those crumpled up tissues around you. Recall the pain. And now visualize yourself a few months down the line. See yourself happy. See yourself out again. You did that. You got yourself there. And you are still that same person, capable of doing it again.

Some men just want easier women

So a man was great, and you scared him away. Every time you spoke up, or showed your true colors, he got weirded out. And then he went on to date some other sweet, demure, never-makes-a-scene girl. Well guess what? Some men are just narcissistic and like easy women—women that never challenge them, or ask much of them. Never feel bad for being opinionated and strong. There are certainly less men out there that will initially want you, because a lot of men prefer an easier woman. But the ones that do want you are so worth waiting for.

Everybody has to play the field

It can be so disheartening to hit it off with a guy at a bar, give him your number, and then see him flirting with another girl. But don’t rush to write him off (unless he’s blatantly making out with that other girl). Haven’t you ever hit it off with more than one guy on a night out? Of course you have! Everybody plays the field. Everybody puts their eggs in multiple baskets before finding “the one.” If the guy calls you, and asks you out on a nice date, go. Decide from there if he feels like a player or not.

He will be the one to really suffer

When you find out a man you are dating already had a girlfriend or even a wife, just remember you’ll only suffer for a short time. He has to live with that guilt forever, as well as whatever insecurities or social disorder led him to do it.

That was his insecurity, not my flaws

When it really comes down to it, the only reason anyone cheats is insecurity. Sure, you could say it’s because their partner wasn’t giving them enough love or they were having trouble in their relationship, but even that boils down to the fact that that individual was not secure enough in themselves to wait out that storm. They couldn’t handle being without affection and attention for even that amount of time. If you are cheated on, don’t blame yourself. No matter what you did to a guy, a stable guy would never cheat. He would talk to you about the issues, or he would leave you. But he wouldn’t cheat.

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