Ask A Very Smart Brotha: Is It Normal For My Husband To Have Female Friends?

October 3, 2012  |  



Mia: Okay I have a question. I dated a guy a year ago, found out he was married and ended the relationship. I found out when his wife called me. Anyway I have been totally done with this guy ever since, yet his wife has been harassing myself and my family for over a year until I finally got a restraining order against her. My question is, “Why is the woman stalking me when she decided to keep her cheating man and she knows that I’m done with him?”

DY: A lesson I learned years ago (and by “years ago” I mean “in March”) is that you don’t need to try to “understand” crazy. It doesn’t matter why she’s stalking you. Just continue reporting her actions to the police and do what you can to avoid contact with her.


Porsha: What does it mean when a man says ” I got love for you” then uses the example “like if you and I stopped talking for months or years and you out of nowhere hit me up and said you needed me I would come and help you no questions asked”

Isn’t that the same thing someone who loves you would do???

DY: It sounds like “I got love for you” is his way of saying “I love you…like a play cousin, but a play cousin who I’d sleep with if she let me”

Andrea: I was dating someone and suggested to take a vacation to an exotic destination like the Dominican Republic and he said that would be an issue because there are too many uniquely beautiful woman there and he would be distracted and he would never take trips to exotic places with his significant other for that reason. He argued that he is a man and that all men think this way. I get offered trips all the time so this was new to me. What are your thought on this kind of comment?

DY: He’s basically telling you “I’m going to cheat on you eventually, I’m going to cheat on you eventually, I’m going to cheat on you eventually.” I mean, I understand avoiding certain situations, but a man who has to avoid entire hemispheres to make sure he keeps it in his pants is a ticking time bomb.


Milan: My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years. he’s older and this is my first real adult relationship. He’s finally decided that I’m the one for him and if we were to break up he says he doesn’t want to venture out into the dating world again. With that said he says he sees me being the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with I’m the one he’s been waiting for, etc. But when I bring up marriage (which I told him I’m not thinking of for another 5 years but I want to be married by the time I’m 30) he freezes up and says he doesn’t believe in marriage. What is that all about??

DY: It sounds like you need to break up with him if you ever hope to get married


Angela: Why is it that if you are still a virgin you are considered uppity and a goodie goodie? I didn’t realize sleeping around was something to be proud of.

DY: Trust me, being considered “uppity” and a “goodie goodie” aren’t bad things, lol.


Rachael: I hate that my husband has female friends I think it’s inappropriate for a married man. I never have men as friends and just don’t get it. Since it bothers me should he cut them off?

DY: I can understand feeling a certain way if he’s talking on the phone with them late at night and going to movies together and s**t. But, if these are just women he happens to be cool with, what’s the problem? Either you trust him or you don’t trust him.

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