It’s Not You, It’s Me: Subtle Signs You’re Not Ready For A Relationship

September 24, 2012  |  
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Relationships are not easy but they can be even more difficult when the timing is off. I’m not referring to timing as it relates to age, financial status, or even relationship status. While you definitely don’t want to fall in love with a man who is in a relationship with someone else or vice versa, there is another bad timing instance that can be just as detrimental to a relationship than the situations mentioned above. This timing I’m referring to is when you have to utter the cliché words, “It’s not you, it’s me,” and really mean it.

Just as dating a man who isn’t’ ready for a relationship almost always comes with a set of preliminary warnings that we opt to ignore, so does the situation of getting into a relationship prematurely. You can have it all together on the outside: a decent job that you don’t dread going to each day, money in your savings, a functional social life, and to top it all off, you consider yourself a poster child for “black don’t crack,” looking and feeling younger than ever; but these things have nothing to do with your readiness to be in a relationship.

So what are the preliminary signs I’m referring to? Well, these signs are sometimes blatant and other times so subtle that you don’t ignore them on purpose. Nevertheless, they usually mean one thing: you’re just not ready for a relationship.


You Are Still Playing The Blame Game

Every man has done something wrong to you. Or on the flip side, you’ve always done something wrong in a relationship. While relationship mistakes or troubles will happen, they only become an issue in your next relationship if you are still carrying the baggage from them.  If you’re still pointing fingers at past relationship woes, you may not be ready to begin a new chapter.

You Haven’t Actually Enjoyed The Single Life

Life is good to you, but only when you have a man. If you haven’t enjoyed being single, ever, then you probably aren’t ready to be in a relationship. The reality is, most people don’t like being alone, but if you stop living when you aren’t in a relationship, you haven’t learned to embrace that much needed ‘me’ time that every woman needs. You have to learn to embrace being single before you can properly embrace being in a relationship.


You Compare Everyone (and Everything) to Your Ex

Your date dresses like your ex. When you are out eating on a date, the food you order reminds you of that time your ex took you out. Oh, and it just so happens the waiter kind of reminds you of your ex. If everyone and everything brings back sharp memories of your ex, clearly you haven’t allowed yourself time to heal. My advice: handle that before you pursue another relationship.

You Think All Men Are Dogs

Honestly, if you live by the motto that all men are dogs, why even date? Unless you happen to love dating Fidos. While infidelity does occur in relationships, you should never expect a man to cheat, disregard, or disrespect you. If this is your thought process, chances are you need to refrain from getting into a committed relationship until your thoughts change.

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You’re Still Trying To Be ‘Friends’ With Your Ex

Your ex has told you he’s moved on and is dating someone else. Although you still care about him, you chalk it up to the two of you having history and insist that you be friends. If you aren’t ready to accept the reality of your break-up and still feel as if you need your ex in your life, not only are you not ready for a relationship you are still in a state of denial. Being his friend when the two of you aren’t on the same page is a recipe for disaster and a hindrance from you actually moving on.

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‘On To The Next One’…But Too Soon

Relationship author, Jane Garapick (Finding Your True Love) advises to take a break from all relationships to allow yourself to heal from the last one. I’m sure there is a level of instant gratification or temporary numbness if you date a man to get over the next; but the issues that plagued your last relationship will more than likely exist in your new one if you don’t allow yourself time to heal. Basically, if you aren’t over one man, don’t get under another one.


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