An Open Letter To The Almighty Goatee

Dear Goatee,

I’ve been clocking your style for a while now. It started with a subconscious glance, a double look and finally I allowed myself to drink you in completely. I’ve come to the conclusion that you are beautiful.

And not only are you beautiful all by yourself, I truly appreciate the fact that your beauty allows others to shine. You’re not like the other facial hair. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve failed to notice a man with a simple mustache or a scruffy beard; but give that same man a goatee, and I’m intrigued. As a woman who considers herself a lip connoisseur, I value you the fact that you bring me to the lips. I find myself following your lead and your lines to the suppleness of his lips (top and bottom), the strength of his jawline and the spread of his smile. (And every girl/woman knows that a smile hampered by bad teeth, is almost always a deal breaker.) I actually owe you quite a bit, in fact.

There was that time you showed me, with clarity, that a potential beau was a bit lacking in the lip department. They were thin and small. But other things seemed to be aligned, so I proceeded, ignoring the warning. It wasn’t until our first kiss, that I realized that you, goatee, did not lie. In the middle of it, I remember wondering, eyes darting open in alarm, “Where are his lips?” They just weren’t there. And I had to be onto the next one. There was no way that was going to work. You tried to warn me, goatee, but I just didn’t want to listen. But now, I’ll never ignore you again. I can’t afford to waste anymore time.

So I’m writing this letter in celebration of your beauty, the beauty you’ve highlighted in others and the lessons you’ve taught me along the way.

Sincerely,

Veronica

More on Madame Noire!

• Bet You Didn’t Know: Secrets Behind The Making Of “How Stella Got Her Groove Back”
• I’ll Be Moving On: How I Stopped Ugly Crying And Reminiscing And Finally Got Over Him
• “Girl, You’ve Got a Big ‘Ol Juicy Booty!” 7 Ways Men Hurt Their Chances With Women
• What’s The Statute Of Limitations On Blaming Your Childhood For Your Actions As An Adult?
• Lessons From A Recovering Addict: How I Got Over My Past Loves
• An Open Letter to My Single Sistas: Stop Searching For Him
• Is Ryan Gosling Singing Jodeci!? 9 White Celebrities And Their “Blackest” Moments