She’s Your Girl, Not a Dating Guru: Why You Need To Choose Which Friends To Take Advice From

September 10, 2012  |  

From YourTango

By Christan Marashio

Ladies, I’m going to give you some of the best dating advice you’ll ever hear. Free.

Stop asking your girlfriends for dating advice. Wait. I’ll amend that.

Be very careful which of your female friends you turn to in times of romantic distress.The problem with most of said advice and reinforcements is that it’s rarely objective. For example:

“You look GREAT!” – Thanks to social media, we have an endless supply of people who are happy to toss off this attaboy whenever we post a new Facebook photo. I can remember reading one such status update a few weeks ago. The woman had recently lost a fair amount of weight and, to her credit, it showed. The string of comments underneath her picture ranged from telling her how hot she was to how “skinny’ she was. As I perused the list of people commenting, I wasn’t surprised to see that there was nary a man in the bunch. The lesson for women here, when trying to determine what men find attractive, is to pay close attention to both who is offering affirmation, and who isn’t. You’ll rarely hear a woman say, “Sweetie, time for you to cut back on the booze. Your skin looks awful.” A man *will* say it…. in the form of a rejection, leaving the woman perplexed.

“You can do better.” – This statement is dangerous because it feeds the idea that we “deserve” a certain caliber of partner. It’s also misleading because, in many cases, water has sought its own level. Meaning the man our friend is dating is exactly what she prefers, consciously or unconsciously. Therefore, she possibly can’t do better. Due to all the self-flagellation that occurs when women get together, women sometimes develop an over-inflated or distorted perception of themselves. Also? If it’s true that we can do better, we should always remember that he probably thinks he can, too.

See what other ways your girls can lead you astray when it comes to dating on YourTango.com.

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