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From YourTango

By Ms. Kristina Marchant

Learning how to connect with an emotionally unavailable man is like learning how to gain the trust of a beaten dog.

One of my dogs, Pumpkin, is a little feisty chihuahua I found one morning under a car by my house. She was covered in fleas and very frightened. I brought her into my home and she became my third furry, canine companion. She was not, however, the sweet, eager-to-please pup that dog lovers cherish.

Pumpkin growled frequently, was distrusting and distant. She didn’t allow my other dogs near her. One of my dogs is a macho Jack Russell terrier mix and he’s a real bruiser. My other dog is a sweet-hearted chihuahua mix who is very polite and doesn’t know a stranger.

Little Pumpkin warmed up right away to my chihuahua mix and not to my Jack Russell mix. Why? Because my Chihuahua mix invited Pumpkin to come closer, as opposed to my Jack Russell mix who constantly tried to bruise his way into her space.

If you are loving an emotionally unavailable man who remains at a distance, isn’t emotionally open and who has admitted distrust in women, it’s best you extend an unspoken invitation for him to get to know you and come close, rather then trying to “pull” love out of him like fingers from a Chinese finger cuff. Just like a Chinese finger cuff, his love will resist your advances.

How do you invite an emotionally unavailable man to come closer? You must do two things: sit on your hands and remain emotionally open to receiving his love. Everything has to be on his terms as far as how close he comes to you. Wanting to see you, be around you, hold you, know you, caress you, let you inside his heart and soul … it’s all got to be on his clock or he won’t trust you and will even feel resentful.

See what other considerations you’ll need to make dating this type of man on

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