Ask a Very Smart Brotha Live: Can I Just Have a Sexual Relationship?

August 22, 2012  |  
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Lisa: Why is it when a man has a good woman he still lives at home, won’t help her and doesn’t act like he cares but is always saying “it’s gonna get better, I love u and will do what is needed, in time???

DY: The good woman hasn’t given him any reason to do better. Why go fishing if fresh fish is delivered to your freezer every day?

Sabrina: Why are some men so addicted to Adult Videos and is there hope for them???

DY: Like cigarettes, food, buying shoes, and counting how many breaths Rick Ross takes between each bar, Adult Videos can be addictive. But, like any addiction, it can be cured. The addicted person just has to recognize the problem and make the effort.

Also, like most other non-crack things, Adult Videos isn’t bad in moderation

Johniece: Hi Damon, my man doesn’t like it when I chill with my neighbors across the hall from me but I grew up with them. They are like my second family and they would do anything for me and vise versa. He is in a program rite now and I only chill with them and no one else, I don’t feel I have to stop chilling with them cuz he says so, so wut do I do.

DY: I mean, unless your neighbors are the Sandusky family, I don’t see any problem with hanging out with your friends from time to time. Your boyfriend is the problem here. It’s an unreasonable request, and it seems like he may have some control issues


Dee: I hear a lot of people say they would never get back with their ex, and that he or she is an ex for a reason. What’s wrong with getting back with your ex if he has changed for the better, and seems like they can NOW fit in with the vision you have for your life?

DY: I agree with you, actually. Getting back with an ex immediately probably isn’t the best idea. But, if enough time has passed where the issues that caused the break up are no longer issues, I see no problem with moving forward. Plus, you gotta keep those numbers down, right?

Angela: How does a male’s financial contribution/income affect his view of a relationship?

DY: LOL, that’s not exactly a soup question. (A virtual hug for the first person to tell me where that reference is from)

There’s a few ways of looking at this. One is the fact that (most) guys aren’t going to be ready to really settle down until they feel like their financial/career life is settled first. It’s not about being commitment-phobic as much as it’s just feeling like your in a place where you can take care of yourself and your potential family. Basically, if a guy doesn’t feel like he’s bringing anything to the table, he’ll likely have issues in the relationship. (And, as we all know, most women will start feeling a certain way about his unsettled finances as well.)

Cookie: Why are men so clueless when it comes to LOVE making? And is faking an wrong?

DY: We fake orgasms sometimes, too. So, they can’t be all wrong.

Seriously though, if you continue to fake it instead of just letting him know what he needs to do (or stop doing), how is he ever going to get better? We (men) have many talents, but mind reading isn’t one of them.

Karla: Regularly dating a guy for 2mos and he doesn’t include me on his b-day celebration with friends…should I drop him? Yes, I spent time with him on the day…just the two of us so I’m on the fence…thoughts?

DY: No. If anything, I’d wonder why you’re even upset by this. That’s not healthy.

Brandi: When I first met this guy, I thought there was a mutual attraction and interest, over the last couple of months I have grown feelings for him but his actions send me mix signals and every time I even attempt to bring up a conversation about the mix signals he completely shuts down. I have emotionally distanced myself from him, by continuing to date other people but I only have sex with him. We both agree the sex is amazing (so I really don’t want to give that up) but have I just set myself up for just a sexual relationship and nothing more (BUT I want more)? Can I successfully pull a strictly sexual relationship off if I once had feelings?

DY: No. If you care about him, as long as you continue having sex, you’re going to be connected to him. You wont be able to get over him until you stop getting under him.

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