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Good sex. Are you having it, and if not, wouldn’t you like to be? For your sake and the sake of your lover, I hope your answer is an enthusiastic “YES!” to the former question, and not a regrettable “yes…” to the latter. The bitter truth, however, is that most are partaking in subpar or somewhat lackadaisical sex, even though most are capable of so much more.

At its very basic level, sex is about communication. It’s about the connection between two passionate people, who are indulging in an intimate act, geared toward stimulating and igniting pleasure.  This pleasure is best achieved when both parties are aware of the other person’s needs/desires, which can only be achieved through an open channel of communication. Yes, some are lucky enough to be totally in tune with others and know how to get them hot and bothered without a word traded between them; but many don’t have said skill, which is why talking about sex and arousal is a wonderful step toward better sex. And, while talking may seem like the least sensual thing to do when it’s time to “throw down,” that talk could lead to some much appreciated, and much better hay tumbling time.

Simply think about daily conversations, interviews or off-cuff interactions with strangers, and how important it is that you convey yourself as personable and as attentive as possible. Well, take those same “putting your best foot forward” qualities and apply them to the bedroom every time. Remain engaged, laugh appropriately and be sure to listen. And when listening, don’t only listen to what your partner is saying, listen to their responses (breathing, gasping and sighs) when you touch them a certain way and listen for any possible signs of distress. Also, in the realm of listening, be sure to take your partner’s fantasies into account. If you are a bit shy about discussing your fantasies aloud, perhaps do it in an email, text or write a short letter, admitting a fantasy of yours and requesting a fantasy of theirs in return.

In addition to methods that were listed above, there are a few terms that should be kept in mind when seeking good sex, including enthusiasm. It’s so important to be enthusiastic and ambitious during sex, because it creates a positive pro-sex attitude that will encourage confidence in both you and your lover. If you are having lackluster sex on a daily basis, you probably appear as though you’re not into the whole thing, which broadcasts the idea that you would rather be doing something else. Experimentation is also good, which does not mean that you need to do anything especially weird or kinky, but perhaps you might like to introduce toys into your sex life or watch adult films together.  Anticipation and awareness are also two key factors in “knocking boots” and lovemaking. This can mean anything from being mindful of the environment in which you two are having sex, to even just understanding what your partner may need from you moment-to-moment in advance. All of these tools work hand in hand to help lovers achieve a more successful and fulfilling sexual experience. Get to talking!

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