Question ladies: If a guy who you found an interest in or thought was fine told you that he had a girlfriend, what would be your next move? If you are a little on the scandalous and ratchet side, you might pretend you didn’t know and pursue him anyway (which would be a Joseline from “Love and Hip Hop Atlanta” thing to do…). But a majority of women looking to avoid drama would probably say “no thanks” to a brotha like that. So what’s the deal with men not caring about your relationship status when they try and spit game?
Tell them you have a boyfriend when they didn’t ask and they’re ready to play a game of 21 questions with your a**: “Where’s your man at right now? Are you happy?” “What’s your man got to do with me?” Okay, the last one was all Positive K, but you get the idea. HANDS DOWN, the funniest parts of these conversations are when the guys try and pretend they want to go the friend route with you, just so they can find a way into your life…and your underwear: “It’s cool that you have a boyfriend, but you could call me and tell me things you don’t feel comfortable telling your man.” Oh, really? I’m going to tell a complete stranger my deepest and darkest secrets, huh?
Just the other day while finishing up a walk around my neighborhood, I was enjoying the sun and the solace of walking alone when some fool stepped directly in my line of vision at a stop light, scaring the crap out of me. After complimenting me on my hair, I said thank you quickly and proceeded to walk on. Sadly, he thought that was an invitation to walk with me.
“So do you live around this neighborhood?”
“No.” (Lie by the way, but I wasn’t going to tell him that)
“Oh okay, I live a block from here. I also own my own business and work for myself. I’d like to get to know you better, would that be possible?”
“I’m sorry, but no. I have a boyfriend. You have a goo–”
“Really? How come your man isn’t walking with you now?”
“Uh…because he’s at work. Shouldn’t you be at work???”
This conversation went on for a few more minutes as I had to politely find a way to tell him that no, I couldn’t take his number and call him or vice versa because that would be cheating, and in the end, I’m not interested. But when I got home, after thinking that I needed to start being more stern and ignore these dudes altogether, I couldn’t help but turn my head to the side and ponder that this was the umpteenth time that I had told folks I had a man, only to have them defensively question the respect he had for me, his intentions with me, try and make him look as sh***y as possible and say they could be a good friend…or replacement companion. But hey, I know I’m not the only one who has dealt with this overly-aggressive fella.
While hanging with the homies, a girlfriend in a long-term but long-distance relationship was approached by a male friend of mine that she was meeting for the first time. As we all sat in his car riding to our next destination for the evening, the two found they had a lot in common: they worked in the same field, and had similar interests in things that would make most want to fall asleep standing up. Feeling that she might be inadvertently leading him on, she found a slick way to let him know she was taken: “Oh you studied in ___? So did my boyfriend.”
Clearly thrown for a loop by her statement, my male friend didn’t back off from his interest in her, and instead tried to find a way to make her question her own relationship: “But your man isn’t here…he can’t hold you at night you know what I mean?” I was mortified. And if that wasn’t enough, knowing he and her boyfriend studied at the same school, he said something that made things a lot worse: “The white girls at the school, they love black dudes. Ask your man, I’m sure he knows…”
Not only was she highly irritated by his behavior, she made sure to let me know that this guy was the hottest of messes, and she wouldn’t want to be bothered with him again. He was sure to tell me that he was just joking with her, but she found none of his jokes, or his pursuit of her, funny. If that’s not enough, I’ve got a co-worker whose been with her man for three years, and while he’s away for work, one of the couple’s friends, who clearly knows she is taken, keeps trying to get at her. But hey, that’s another story for another day.
I’m not saying all men are like this, but it’s really interesting to me that the whole boyfriend and girlfriend idea doesn’t impress or stop men from trying to move in on you. Folks have no shame. Seriously, nowadays guys don’t even ask you if you have a boyfriend when they’re trying to holler, they go straight to husband because I’m guessing that is the only thing that might make them slow their roll: “Aye sweetheart, how you doing? You married??” I guess it just always boggles my mind because we live in a world where every time you turn around someone or some statistic is trying to remind you that there are more women in this world than men, and chances are, it’s going to be hella hard for you to find a good one. But if men have a bevvy of options of chicks to lay or love, why go so hard for one woman passing you by on the street, especially the one who is taken? Beats me. But as always, it’s just a thought…
Have you noticed this?
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