Why Isn’t He Calling You After The First Date?

May 25, 2012  |  
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Nothing went wrong, per-say. The night was enjoyable enough and you’re hot enough. So, how come he didn’t call you back after the first date? Unless you did something crazy you can probably chalk it up to nerves–men sense insecurities and a lack of sense of self. While you may not be insecure in general, everyone’s prone to freezing up on a first date and acting awkward, strange and even desperate when they’re just trying to impress someone. You just might not be aware how you’re coming off. Here are 7 common things women do on a first date to influence the non-second date.

You feel something about your ex

You know it’s a huge red flag if you’re obviously still into your ex, but some people think it’s perfectly okay to trash talk their ex. Nuh uh. I don’t care how hysterically you’re able to talk about the awful things he used to do: love and hate mingle too closely. You should be so over your ex that your bad memories of him aren’t able to stir up strong emotions in you anymore. If you’re obviously still hateful or angry towards your ex, your date will feel you might still be in mourning. Also, it’s just immature to trash talk an ex. Let it go.


It seems you have no life

Did you tell funny stories of things that happened with friends? The trivia night you go to weekly at a bar? The vacation you have planned for this summer? Did you talk about things you are passionate and excited about? Maybe you didn’t just because you’re not the type that likes to talk about yourself but, if you didn’t talk about your life, your date might think you don’t have one. Which only means one thing to him: clinger alert. Let him know you have a full and active life! (You do, don’t you?)

You cared about what didn’t matter

We often just do this out of nervousness and when we feel we have nothing else to talk about: we fixate on the traffic, on the stale bread, the bad service, the long wait to get a drink—whatever. But, learn to swallow those thoughts. A guy wants to know you can roll with the punches and you can enjoy what really matters—good company. He doesn’t want to be with a woman who is unable to enjoy herself if the restaurant is too loud.

You didn’t challenge him

I know: it’s a first meeting and you don’t want to create conflict. But, this isn’t a job interview—you don’t have to agree with what the person across the table is saying. A guy will pick up on it if you never once disagreed with him, and I mean fully went into your own rant about why you disagree. He doesn’t want to be with someone spineless and opinion-less. You may want to be agreeable, but he doesn’t want that.

You didn’t indicate that you were open to a second date

I’ve heard plenty of men who’ve said, “But I don’t know if she wants a second date! I really just can’t tell!” A guy should leave a date with you knowing whether or not you want that call. You don’t necessarily have to say, “I hope to hear from you!” but, your body could have said it for you. Unfortunately, for fear of feeling rejected, we often act cold towards someone we’re actually interested in. We go for a handshake instead of a hug goodnight, thinking he doesn’t want the hug. We sit across the dinner table instead of next to him, thinking he’ll want his space. But, if you’re into the guy, you need to be willing to risk rejection and show him you’re into him with your body language. If you sat shoulder to shoulder, instead of facing each other, at the bar all night, he probably thinks you just want to be friends.

You dug too deep

Don’t get too deep on a first date. Horrible breakups, parents’ divorce, childhood traumas and the like can wait until later. It’s not necessarily because men can’t talk about these things, but rather because if you bring them up already on date number one, they’ll feel that you are unable to just enjoy simple pleasures. Men want to be with a woman who they can enjoy talking about absolutely nothing with. Think about it: in life, 90% of the time, there isn’t anything all that deep or important to discuss. Men want to be with someone that they’re just happy to be around. If you’re already bringing up your therapy sessions on date #1, this guy will wonder if you can ever just relax.

You didn’t take any attention

Again, you wanted to be agreeable and maybe you didn’t know what to say. So, you just asked him a lot about himself, and you let him talk most of the time. But, a man wants to see that you’re the star of your own life! If you don’t think you are interesting, why should he?

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