Back Up Off of Me: 6 Times You Should Take Time Apart

May 11, 2012  |  
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I’m not talking about a multi-month break, (that usually is indicative of seriously deep issues) but sometimes a few days of no contact, and minimal communication is just the remedy you and your partner need to feel in sync again. Unfortunately, we often fear that needing a few days apart is a sign of trouble, so we don’t take that time apart. And then fights escalate, or tensions grow to a place where you’re wondering, “How did we get here?” Don’t be stubborn. Walk away for a few days when these things are happening…

When your friends are mad at you

Don’t be one of those people who check their partner’s schedule before ever saying yes to a drink invite from a friend. Your friends will begin to feel neglected and even like they were just used as company while you were single and searching for a partner. If your friends make this complaint, suck it up, admit you’ve been wrong, and take a hiatus from your man for a few days to take a girls weekend or make the rounds, getting drinks with everyone. Don’t even let the sentence, “I have to get back to my boyfriend,” or even “Hang on—I have to call my boyfriend” come up. Be fully present for your friends. Let your partner know you’re going to be slightly MIA for a few days. If you lose your friendships, it will negatively affect your relationship.

When you’ve put off your own goals

We all get caught up in love. It’s so much more tempting to have sex than apply to that job, make that edit to your website, design those business cards or whatever you’ve been meaning to do for yourself and your goals. When you feel that guilt settling in—that “Oh no, I’ve made no progression with my own life,” disentangle yourself from your boyfriend’s arms and request a few days to go do you. You can’t even make those business cards in the same house as him—you know he’ll be a distraction.

When you’re saying sorry too much

There are some arguments that only time can heel. It’s the most frustrating thing when you’ve upset your partner and all you can do is wait—you can’t do or say anything to make it better because doing and saying things is only making you get more under his skin. When you get to the place where you’re following him around like a puppy, head hung and tail between your legs saying, “I’m sorry” for something you did, and he is getting progressively more irritated, just step away. Men really respect a woman who is secure enough in herself to give him time to think about things, away from her.


When you can’t help

Problems will arise in your man’s life that you can’t help. They might be related to health, to his job, to his family or his friendships and you’re just not the person who holds the tools to fix it. It’s an ego-deflator but recognize when a guy needs his friends, or his family, or his dog or whomever, it’s best to let him seek their counsel. Again, he’ll respect that you were secure enough in yourself to give him his space, and not take it personally.

When you’ve been inseparable

No matter how well you get along, no matter how much you love each other and no matter how much you enhance one another’s lives, never underestimate the power of removing yourself for a few days to let him re-recognize how much you mean to him. This one might just be a little selfish favorite of my own but, good God is it nice when he’s calling you like a child saying, “Baby, I miss you!!!

When you don’t want anyone to see you

Hey, sometimes we get in moods that no one deserves to be around, but we usually push ourselves to see our partners even when we really feel like seeing no one. It’s okay to be irritable, depressed, anxious or just plain moody. But bringing that around your partner often creates unnecessary fights. It is okay to say, “I need to just be alone today. Nothing personal.”

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