Give & Take: Signs That You Are Too Much Of A Giver

April 1, 2012  |  
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Some people are natural givers. Givers are the kind of people you want in your life. They are very dependable and reliable; but do you ever think about what those favors and sacrifices have cost them? If you are a giver you know exactly what I’m talking about. You love to help and be supportive but you know at times you wish that you had more time to yourself. It’s hard to recognize when you are giving too much of yourself, but here are some signs that let you know when you’re doing too much.

You Spread Yourself too Thin 

Everyone has their own stress and drama. Some people have more on their plate than others. Sometimes their plates are full with their own life issues, but other times they can become full with other people’s problems. It is nice to help out a friend, that’s what friends are for. But when you go from helping friends to helping co-workers and even neighbors, you have taken too much on. Maybe next time stop to evaluate your own life before you agree to take on 10 other things for someone else.

 You Can’t  Say  No

Being able to say no is hard for some people. It is one of those things that depends on the type of person you are. Some people have absolutely no problem saying no.On the other hand, there are people who are “softies” and find themselves always saying yes.  Even though driving 20 minutes out of your way to pick up something for somebody may not seem major, when it gets to the point where you become stretched and exhausted doing things for other people, it’s time to take a step back. I’m not saying make “no” your new favorite word, but learn to pick and choose what you say yes to.

 

Everyone Dumps Their Problems On You

Do you find yourself being that person that people call for solutions for all of their problems? This role is very endearing because it means that you are  caring enough that people think of you when they need some support. You are their shoulder to cry on and their rock to lean on. Usually people in this role love the opportunity to be there for their friends or family in their time of need. However, when it gets to the point where people call you to fix any and every problem in their life, no matter how minuscule, that becomes a problem. Everyone loves to help but when it starts to become a burden maybe you are doing less helping and more enabling. And ask yourself if I was ever in the need of help would the same people help me?

You Are Left to be Stressed by Yourself 

Have you ever helped someone through a difficult time and in the process hindered some part of your own life? This hindrance has now affected your life that caused extra stress and drama. All you wanted to do be supportive and now you have to pay the consequences. So while you are stressed out, the same person that you helped is all better (because of you no doubt) and they are living the life. You helped to set their mind and soul at ease so they can live. You on the other hand have to deal with the aftermath of your decision. If this happens often then it means that you give too much of yourself in situations or that the person you helped is done with you and is now on to their own life and happiness.

 

You Find Yourself in Situations that Don’t Involve You

I’ve found myself in these types of predicaments before. I would have all this stress and drama and wonder where it came from. When I actually thought about it there was no direct link between myself and the actual problem. I became so involved in my friends lives and trying to be there for them, that their problems became mine. Now I will help any of my friends it they ask me to but at the end of the day there needs to some sort of separation between the effects of their problems and your own life.

 

At the End of the Day There is No One Left But You 

It is a horrible feeling to realize that even after you did everything for everyone, when it comes time to switch roles there is no one there to repay the favor. This tends to happens because givers usually link themselves up with takers. So when a giver wants to become a taker, there is nothing left to take. Takers can sometimes be incapable of coming out of their selfishness long enough to help the same person that helped them. You never want to question if helping someone was the right decision because everyone needs help. But in the same token if the same people who you took care of can’t take care of you then it is very reflective of the past, present and future state of the relationship.

 

 

Rachel Louissaint is a graduate student and a blogger. Read her own blog at Ebony Maiden or follow her on twitter at @Ebony_Maiden. 

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