True Life: I’m a Girlfriend to a Man in An Open Marriage…Part II
I am writing a response in regards to the article I wrote last week about being the girlfriend of a man who is in an open marriage. It seems I had quite a few questions, comments and concerns about this situation, and I am here to address a few of them and clarify some things. Hopefully.
First off, this is very new for me. The married man and I have not been together long, and I am the newest of the women in his circle. Therefore, I am just learning how to adjust and handle this open relationship in regards to time, insecurities and fears. I don’t know if anyone can relate to being around someone who, even though you may not see them often, can make you feel as if you are the only person in the world in his life; that can make you feel comforted, safe and secure and loved just by the sound of their voice. It is an amazing feeling to have and it allows a lot of those “technical difficulties” to melt away, at least for a little bit. People have insecurities in monogamous relationships, being open doesn’t change anything. But being able to have open and honest conversations about what your partner is feeling and doing, wanting and needing allows those insecurities to diminish because you’re able to speak freely without any fear or guilt.
My fears right now are based around questions: Is this going to last? Or is this what I really want? I have come to the realization that I can’t determine what’s going to happen down the road, I can only determine today. And today, right now, I believe our relationship will last. I know this is what I want, because I know, in the short time I have been involved in this open relationship, I have learned more about myself, become more open to seeing other sides of myself, and I am loving myself even more. So yes, this is what I want. It is not to say I will not have another serious relationship with someone else, because more than likely, I will find someone who lives closer to me. But despite that, I plan on keeping him as a constant factor in my life.
A big concern in the comments was his relationship with his wife. Yes, his wife does have other partners who he knows, converses with, and seems to respect as well. Yes, he and his wife do have kids who know everything and seem to have an understanding about their open marriage.
This relationship is not about me allegedly having low self-esteem, a want to just have anyone in my life, convenience or any other negative connotation you can create in your mind. It was a friendship formed through emails, speaking on the phone and texting, which turned into an immediate connection when we first met. I would never think having a man thousands of miles away would be considered “convenient,” and in my own opinion, my self-esteem must be fairly high to be able to open my mind to something different because of the joy and love someone else brings me.
Progressive love in an open relationship is based on four simple principles: Its purpose is for growth while its benefit is love; 100 percent availability, which means no bail outs or cop outs; 100 percent responsibility, which means no victims or villains, and 100 percent tolerance, which means no blame, and no shame. These four principles allow a relationship to be based on growth, where all parties are growing as a couple and as an individual too. We’ve taken the idea away that a relationship’s purpose is not for love, but for growth, because as each individual grows and gains more knowledge, then love becomes a benefit from that growth.
I am not here to create chaos in your minds or to cause uproar in your relationships. I wrote the previous article, along with this one, to enlighten you and to possibly show you a new way of looking at relationships. An open relationship may not be the choice for you and that’s fine. But as I continue to date other people in the city I am in, while knowing I have a man across the country who loves me and is the male foundation in my life, I am content where I am today. I am open to love from him and whoever may come into my life in a positive way. I look forward to learning and growing through this progression.
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