Ask A Very Smart Brotha Live: Sifting Through the Sh!t & Waiting for Him to Commit

March 7, 2012  |  
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Lacey: Can you tell me why men think its cute to yell at us outside of their car or friend’s car. Why can’t they be a gentleman and just approach us?

D.Y:  Because, for every 25 women who absolutely hate when men do that, there are a couple who love it. And, since that (literal) holler takes absolutely no effort, why stop doing it if it provides occasional results?

Kim: Why are men so stubborn? I want to keep my career in the Army but he insists that I get out? We are married…

D.Y.: Stubbornness isn’t a gender-specific trait. I know just as many hard-headed women as men. In your case, does your husband give any reason why he wants you to leave the Army?

Kim: Lol. Ok I will take that. He wants me home. And he doesn’t want to leave his job.

D.Y.: There’s your answer.

Kim: So why do I have to give up mine?

D.Y.: I’m thinking this is one of those questions you should be asking him, not me.

Kim: Lol will do again for the 10th time…Thank you for trying.


Pier: I’ve been with my guy for ten years now. We have three children and he has and outside child that he had while we were together…Well I’ve overcome the child that he had on me and now I’m looking for us to get married now. It’s as if he’s still not ready…I’ve become impatient and I’m just ready to give up. I’m 27 and he’ll be 30…I’m just looking for a man’s point of view on things. May I have your input please?

D.Y.: Trust me. He’s doing you a favor by not marrying you.

Pier: Ok so you don’t think I/we should get or be married?…I’m not just looking at the bad because the good has outweighed it. But you think it’s better to just let it all go.

D.Y.:  I can’t speak on what “good” there has been. I can only say that the bads (1. He had enough unprotected sex with other women while you were together to produce a child, 2. You’ve been together since D’Angelo Barksdale was still alive and he’s still undecided about his future with you) are pretty damn bad.

Marcquest: Can you tell me why men go to clubs and stand against the wall rather then interacting with the ladies in the club. This is a question that all my lady friends ask me….

D.Y.:  Same reason why those same ladies will go to the club 13763763 girlfriends deep and wonder why men aren’t approaching them.

Keisha: My friends and I have this controversial debate all the time: can a man be intimidated by a woman who is educated with no children and owns her own home and car. We had a handful of mixed reviews due to the fact that some of us are dating men raging from their late 20’s to their mid 30’s. Thanks in advance.

D.Y.: That’s like asking if a whale’s intimidated by water.

Demisha: It seems that the men that I meet aren’t ready to settle down so I leave them alone. Is it wrong for me to leave just because a man isn’t ready to settle down, even though I only do it to protect myself?

D.Y.: Nope, not at all. Staying with and continuing to provide “wife” benefits (ie: cooking, cleaning, companionship, morning , etc) for men who’ve stated “I don’t want to settle down” is exactly why they see no reason to settle, lol.

Anna: I dont understand why there are so many Very Smart Brothers, but we as sisters and brothers cant seem to come together in unity and harmony in our relationships. We go to different sites set up to tear us apart and go in on each other. Some (not all) brothers call sisters gold diggers, but leave sisters behind to go digging for white women’s gold. Why is that?

D.Y.: There are alot of hurt people out there right now, looking for scapegoats (both real and imagined) to blame for their pain. When this occurs, you can’t have real communication and conversation without it turning into a “My life is Shytetier than yours” contest.

Thing is, and please believe this, it’s not all that bad. Yes, there are some effed up people out there saying effed up things, but there are also a ton of people who are happy and seem to be doing things right. We get so caught up in paying attention to the bad that we forget the good even exists.

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