What You Can And Can’t Fix About Your Sex Life

March 14, 2012  |  
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When you love someone, but things aren’t quite how you’d like them to be in the bedroom, you might tell yourself, “That’s just the way it is. We could have worse problems in our relationship.” But sometimes, it doesn’t have to just be “the way it is.” And sometimes it does. Here’s what can and can’t be fixed about your sex life:

He doesn’t think he can

Is there a certain act your man doesn’t do? Try and find out why. He might just be shy about his performance. He might just fear he won’t be able to please you. If that’s the issue, continue to encourage him. Tell him, you love him, so you love everything he does.


He doesn’t want to

If he just doesn’t want to do something because it grosses him out, weirds him out, makes him feel emasculated—whatever it is—that is hard to fix since it’s something he has it set in his head that he will not enjoy.


He won’t tell you what he wants

You try to ask. You try to get a little direction. But he just laughs or shakes his head and says, “Just keep going” or worse yet, he kisses you to shut you up. But you know he isn’t totally happy with what’s going on. He might just feel too bossy giving you directions. You’ll need to begin asking in a more Hot manner, if not just paying attention over time and seeing what he likes based on reactions, versus asking him in the moment.

He spaces out

Does your man seem to go a million miles away right after finishing? You try to speak to him and he gives you one word answers, or no answers at all. He stares at the wall for thirty minutes. Some guys just can’t think after orgasm. They become dizzy, out of breath, and their brain just clears. You may just have to entertain yourself with a magazine. But don’t take it personally.

Focuses on himself

When he gets in a position that really works for him, does he just get in the zone, start moving really fast and race to the finish line? Even though you’re nowhere near done! His animal instincts are taking over, but you can intervene! You just need to hop up and suggest a position change. It will take him a few steps back.

He is on an adventure kick

Sometimes men fear they aren’t adventurous enough, and read up on new positions, and suddenly you feel like he’s a drill sergeant in the bedroom. “Ok switch, ok down, ok up, ok spin” and you can not get into it! Poor guy—he is just trying to impress you. You just need to really let him know, when you’re in a position you like, “Let’s stay here. This feels so good. We can try the insert bizarre sounding position here in the next round.”

In a slump

Is the problem that you’re just not having sex? The worst thing you can do in this case is complain, “We’re not having enough seeexxx.” He will feel that any time you kiss him, or so much as touch him, that you’re trying to initiate it. If he knows sex is on your brain, it eliminates the element of surprise, which is crucial for a guy! The best thing is to just make your man feel like he seriously turns you on. Whether that means pushing him in a closet at a party or sending him Hot texts throughout the day. You just cant make the no-sex thing seem like a concern. Nothing is less Hot.

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