Ask a Very Smart Brotha Live: Textaholics & Down Low Dudes

February 23, 2012  |  
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 Catisha: How does a woman become more approachable for a man? LOL! I have been told I am not approachable, but I speak, make sure I give eye contact. I would like a male’s perspective. 🙂

D.Y.: You’re on the right path. Making eye contact and speaking definitely do help. Really though, the best advice I can give for a woman trying to be more approachable is to just look like you’re enjoying yourself and your life. Genuinely positive energy attracts people.

Lydia: Why do men leave good women for bad, materialistic, stuck up women?

D.Y. :  Same reason why men leave stuck up women for good women, or leave black women for white women, or choose orange juice instead of apple juice, or wear Nikes instead of Reeboks, or drive cars instead of trucks…(You see where I’m going with this?)

Lydia: Come on Damon you can do better than that! That can’t possibly be the only reason. Smh

D.Y.:  My point is that there could be a thousand different answers to that question. Maybe he just wasn’t happy. Maybe the “materialistic” woman is younger and better-looking. Maybe the “good” woman wasn’t as good as the question claims she was. Maybe he was just bored. Maybe she reminded him of his jeep. For a question like that, I need more context and specifics to be able to answer it.

Glenda: When can you tell if a man is emotionally attached as opposed just enjoying the “benefits”?

D.Y.:  The best way to gauge a man’s interest is time. Basically, if he’s constantly making plans (and even breaking his other plans) to find time to see you.

Toree: If you’ve been dating someone for almost 5 months and he says he wants to be with you and only you but that he’s afraid of disappointing me and/or being disappointed am I kidding myself by waiting or….?

D.Y. Yes. If he wanted you bad enough, he wouldn’t say something like that and risk losing you to another man.

MisSonya: Is counseling the only way to rebuild trust in a relationship? if not what other solutions are there?

D.Y.: I think counseling works in this regard, but it’s like putting a band-aid on a broken leg. Trust comes from within. You still have to make the choice to want to trust each other, you still have to be worthy of that trust, and you still have to start trusting. Basically, the only way to rebuild trust is if both parties see a need for trust to be rebuilt, and are equally committed to that process.

Danielle: Damon, is there any hope for a relationship between texter and a talker? I am a talker and I struggle with trying to get to know a man via texting. Once we get to know each other, I am more open to it but not for complete “textversations.” Yet, since texting has become so pervasive, I find that many of the men I meet prefer to communicate primarily via texting. Any suggestions on how to get them to compromise and call more often?

D.Y.:  I don’t mind texting or calling, but I know some people a very attached to one or the other. With that in mind, if I were you I’d just tell men that you prefer talking on the phone (or in person). If a guy cares enough about you, he’ll heed your demand.

Delorianprincess : Why do guys go around making babies and not help take care of them?

D.Y.:  Don’t have an answer for you. Lemme head down to the liquor store when this chat is over. Should be a few of them hanging out there. I’ll ask one of them

Delorianprincess:  Also Damon, how can you tell if the brother you’re dating is on the down low without getting punched?

D.Y.:  I guess you could just ask him or check his apartment for Pat Benatar albums. lol, I don’t know. Perhaps you should leave this “dating” thing alone for a little while.

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