When His Problems Shouldn’t Be Yours

March 7, 2012  |  
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When you care about someone, you want to take on their life, and that includes their problems. And while you should absolutely be a source of support and even of good advice for your partner, there are some areas of his life that is neither your business nor your problem. If you ever find yourself feeling drained, emotionally exhausted, or most frequently stressed than you were when single, your man may have put too much on you. Or, you might just be taking too much on.

Fights with his family

If your guy is in a fight with his family, don’t make it your mission to fix it. Don’t nudge him to patch things up, and give him apology scripts to read on the phone with him. So long as he is still treating you well, be happy for that and let him work things out. On top of that, if the stress of his fight with his family is making him lash out at you, don’t take that. Don’t walk on eggshells or just take verbal abuse. Tell him to figure it out with his family, and not bring that tension home to you.

Trouble at work

If he is struggling to discover a way to get a promotion, or get a special project, if you continuously pitch him ways to get what he wants at work, he will start to feel that you see him as a failure or lacking ambition. If he asks for your advice on how you would handle it, give it. But don’t check up too much on his progress. He’ll tell you if he wants to.

Emotional baggage

Did his ex leave a few emotional scars? Maybe paranoia over cheating? Or, being ultra sensitive to anyone seeming controlling? Emotional baggage possibilities are endless, but if your guy is aware that he has it, he needs to keep it on lockdown. He can’t irrationally blow up at you and say, “Sorry, just triggered something from my past relationship.” He needs to learn to handle those irrational emotions. You shouldn’t be taking the brunt for damage you didn’t’ do.

Fights with his friends

Similar to fights with the family, don’t push him to resolve things with his friends. He will feel like you think he can’t handle his personal relationships. Also, men just settle things differently than women do.


Unless you have been together for a really long time, perhaps you even live together, it’s not the best idea to help him when he is in a significant financial bind—like needs help with a loan or down payment on a car—to get involved. It’s hard to resist that temptation but if he struggles for a long time to pay you back, you may feel resentful. Even worse, if you two break up, it will be an awkward tie keeping you together post-breakup.

How he treated exes

We’ve all done things in relationships we’re not proud of. But, we learn. Your boyfriend may have treated his exes in a way that makes you cringe to hear about, but if you have no problem with the way he treats you, you can’t really freak out about the update on his history. He has obviously learned his lesson.

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