Things That Scare Women Off, But Shouldn’t

February 15, 2012  |  
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The dating world is one of games. We are taught all sorts of ways to hide or thoughts and feelings. All sorts of ways to make one thing look another way. And so, when we meet someone who doesn’t play by the rules, we often think, “What is wrong with this person? You can’t just…say that!” While it’s true some people are just needy or overly aggressive, some have complete self confidence, and just don’t want to play the game. So you don’t necessarily need to freak out if a man does this:

He asks you for a second date, on the first:

Women are used to the torture of waiting to see if they get that next day “I had fun last night” text and then wondering did he send that to be polite or because he liked me? And then waiting for the answer to that question by seeing if he asks her out again. But that’s the problem—we are used to that. So, if a guy suggests a second date before the first is over, some women think “uh oh, NEEDY alert!” Not necessarily. Think about the date. Has anything else about him indicated desperation? If not, then this guy could just have self-confidence and wants to save you the trouble of the torture and let you know straight up he wants to see you again, now. Kind of nice of him, right?


He talks openly about intimate things:

He analyzes his parents’ relationship, or even his own past relationships. Don’t jump to thinking this guy is a head case, or an over sharer. You may just have landed yourself someone who is emotionally developed and comfortable talking about anything and trying to connect with you on a deeper level than the usual, “what do you like about your job?” nonsense.

He asks you to meet his friends early:

Many women read this as a sign of “uh oh, he’s already trying to initiate me into his life.” Not so fast. Bringing you around his friends does not mean he has decided that they will love you, in fact it could mean quite the opposite. He could be trying to see if they will like you, and if there is anything they pick up about you that he didn’t.

Open compliments:

Women are used to men that play the game of making them “earn their compliments.” If you’ve read the wildly popular (and wildly frightening) book The Game, you really know what I mean. So, if a guy, on a first date, after some chatting, looks across the table at you and says something to the extent of “you seem like a really kind person,” many women can be disarmed by this. They have no idea what to say or think. “Is this guy creepy? Is he just saying that because he is really needy—I mean how much does he really know about me?” Honestly, from a short conversation, he could have easily discovered a few great things about you. It’s just that most guys won’t come out and compliment you on them immediately.

He doesn’t want to sleep with you:

A woman feels humiliated if she tries to initiate sex, for the first time ever with a guy, and he denies her. She feels like she has some unattractively large and aggressive sex drive and that the guy is not attracted to her at all. Not always the case! Believe it or not, there are a select few guys out there who wait to sleep with a girl. They know that they are prone to lose interest right after sex, or that they perhaps become too needy after it, so they hold off. But, they don’t judge the girl for trying to go for it. If everything seems like it’s going amazing, and he just doesn’t want to have sex yet, you don’t need to hide in your corner. Gracefully say, “I understand” and have patience.

“I’m ready for something serious:”

We are not used to hearing this. Are there guys out there looking for something serious? Of course there are! But, most of them hide the fact like they would a murder. So, if a man comes out and lets a woman know he is ready for something serious, she will often read it as needy. And while that is the case sometimes, there are some men out there who are trying to weed out party girls that are just looking to have some fun and toy with their hearts.

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