Dealing With Drama?: How To Know When It’s Time To Go

February 19, 2012  |  
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No relationship is perfect. There is a certain amount of arguing and sacrificing in every one. But, how much is too much? When has a relationship crossed over from functional to a little bumpy, to just plain toxic?

Here’s how you can tell..

Fights in public places

You need to feel a lot—I mean a LOT—of anger to completely disregard social norms, forget that people are standing around you staring, and just start yelling or swearing in public. That’s a level of anger that only exists in a toxic relationship. A healthy relationship still considers the impression it makes and waits to bring up arguments in private.

Friends are banned

Anyone you date will have a friend or two you don’t like. And you’ll probably have a friend the people you date don’t like. But, if someone explicitly forbids you to continue spending time with someone, that means they do not trust your own strength to not allow the negative traits of others to seep into you. They are not treating you like a grown up and they think it is acceptable to alter major parts of your life. It is not.

Keeping simple secrets

There are some things the person you’re seeing doesn’t need to know. But, if you’re keeping simple, insignificant things from them, like which bar you go to with your friends, telling them you got home a mere thirty minutes earlier than you did, or who was at a party you attended—in other words, things you couldn’t really control—then you are probably dating an overly-sensitive, even explosive person who looks for something wrong in the tiny details of things.

In contact constantly

You should be able to separate yourself from the person you’re with for a couple of hours. If you’re constantly checking your phone when you’re out with friends, you most likely are used to having your boyfriend sending you texts or calls regularly, saying they are upset about something. People don’t check their phones every ten minutes when they think everything is O.K. They only do that when they feel like they are in constant crisis aversion mode.

Your work is suffering

Sometimes, we all get into problems in our person lives that distract us from our professional lives. But, if you are regularly too distracted by issues in your relationship to do a good job at work well, first of all, you are fighting with your boyfriend way too much but second of all, it means you feel your relationship is so fragile that you’re afraid to even take your mind off of it for an hour. You’re also probably dating someone who doesn’t respect you enough, or who isn’t secure enough, to leave you alone for a few hours so you can get work done!

You don’t want to tell your friends about fights

Any time you find yourself hiding what’s happening in your relationship from your friends and family, that’s because you yourself know things aren’t right—that you don’t even have an explanation or excuse for the way things are. But, more importantly, it means that you want to stay in a bad relationship, and you know your friends will tell you to get out so you don’t want to hear it.

Experience heightened anxiety

Your body knows more than you think. The body reacts to emotional situations. Often, people in toxic relationships find themselves having anxiety more often—maybe for the first time in their life. They don’t realize it’s related to their relationship because, anxiety pops up at random moments sometimes, but that is your body’s way of telling you something (or someone) is in your life that shouldn’t be there.

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